Page 76 of Healed Hearts

“Julian!” I hear Beck shout, but I don’t know where he is.

Did he leave me? He must have. I’d leave me too. I’m disgusting. Tainted. Dirty. I jerk my hand away from Roman to scrub at my lip again.

Suddenly, Julian is in front of me, pulling my hand away, cupping my face, staring into my eyes. “Let’s get you out of here.” I shake my head. No, I can’t. I have to stand up to this guy.I have to.I shove past him, taking off toward Motel Guy.

I feel Roman grab my arm, trying to hold me back as Beck steps in front of me. I don’t even have time to take a breath before Beck’s pulling his fist back and punching Motel Guy. His head snaps to the side as he grunts and falls to the ground. Beck drops onto him, straddling his stomach, swinging over and over. Until blood is slicking his hand, until Motel Guy is barely moving, until Beck is drenched in sweat and there’s blood everywhere. So much blood. Why did he do that? Not for me. I’m gross. He wouldn’t do that for me. I’m not worth that.

“Beck! Stop! It’s enough! Stop!” Roman shouts, rushing across the sidewalk to them as Julian takes over holding me back.

“I’ll have you arrested!” Motel Guy shouts when Beck finally stops hitting him.

Beck lets out a laugh that chills me to the bone. He grips Motel Guy’s chin roughly, the smile on his face as he stares at him a bit unhinged. “My dad’s the chief of police, you sick fuck. You think he’s gonna arrest me for hitting a kiddie rapist? Nice try. There’s no statute of limitations on child rape. You wanna call the cops? Let’s go. Matter fact, I’ll call them for you. I’ve got them on speed dial.”

Motel Guy’s eyes widen. Well, as much as they can through the swelling. My stomach lurches again, and this time I can’t fight back the gag. I lean over, throwing up my dinner on the sidewalk. “Fuck,” Julian says. Ugh. This is the worst.Now he sees you for who you are, Hold.A weak, pathetic fucking whorewho can’t even stomach standing up to a man who used to fuck you.

I’m being lifted and tucked against a familiar chest.Julian. Why isn’t he leaving? Why is he holding me? I’m going to taint him. Doesn’t he see that? My hand finds its way to my lip. It hurts to rub it, like it’s raw, but I can’t stop. “Come on, darlin’,” he whispers, brushing my hair back and pulling my hand away from my face. “Let’s get you home.”

Tears burn the backs of my eyes, and I suck in a sharp breath. I try to force them down, but it doesn’t work. A broken sob tears from my throat as I bury my face in his chest. I know he’s going to leave, but I’ll take his comfort while I can get it.

“Our house,” I hear Roman say. “I like you. I think you’re good for him, but if you think I’m letting him out of my sight right now, you’re fucking crazy.”

“That’s where I planned to take him,” Julian says. Of course he doesn’t want to take me to his house. I wouldn’t want me there, either. I don’t blame him at all. Doesn’t stop me from clinging to him, though. If it’s the last time I get to, I want to take what I can. I want all the seconds until the second I have to give him up.

“And Beck. What the fuck were you thinking?” Roman yells. I’ve never heard him yell at Beck before. Hell, I actually don’t think I’ve ever heard him yell at all. Until tonight. Because of me.

“I was thinking about a tiny Holden being taken advantage of by a disgusting old fuck and how I couldn’t keep him safe then, but I can now.” He sounds completely unbothered, like he didn’t just beat the shit out of someone on the sidewalk.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Beck,” Roman growls. I shrink into Julian’s arms, a whimper rising from my throat at the anger in his voice. I don’t want him to be mad at Beck. I don’t want him to fight with Beck over me. I don’t deserve that.

“Cut it out. Y’all can have your spat later. You’re freaking Holden out,” Julian says. I think he’s trying to sound calm, butthere’s a hint of anger in his voice. I can’t help what I did when I was a kid. I was trying to survive. I don’t want him to be mad at me because of it. I want to tell him I’m sorry, to please forgive me, to please still love me, but then he’s talking. “We’re at the cars, darlin’. I’m going to put you inside, okay?”

“No,” I croak, clinging to him harder. I’m not ready for it to be over. I don’t want him to leave me.

“Ride with us,” Roman says.

Julian hesitates. He’s probably trying to figure out how he can drop me off and run. I can’t blame him. With all the things that I let happen to me? I wouldn’t want me, either. I choke on another sob. Julian shushes me, brushing my hair back again. “It’s okay, darlin’. Okay, yeah, open the door for me, please.”

Julian adjusts me in his arms and climbs into the car. I can tell it’s awkward for him, but he manages, and then he’s pulling me in closer to him, squeezing me almost too tightly. I love it.

Please don’t let me go. Please please please.

“Hold,” Beck says. “If you’re going to be sick again, let me know and I’ll pull over, okay?”

“You’re not driving,” Roman says. “Your knuckles are busted to shit. Get in the damn passenger seat. I’ll drive.”

I hear the doors shut, and then we’re moving. Julian doesn’t loosen his grip on me, and I try to sink deeper into his embrace—try to soak it all in—to commit it to memory, so when he’s gone, I’ll have it.

His fingers find their way into my hair, and then he’s playing with the strands, massaging my scalp, touching my ears. I hear a whimper, and Julian’s hand stops moving. “Is this okay? Do you want me to stop touching you?” he asks softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think that you might not want to be touched. Do you want to sit beside me instead?”

“No. Please no,” I whisper, begging. He can’t let me go. “My lip. He touched my lip.” My stomach twists. Oh, can’t thinkabout that, or I’m gonna get sick again. But now that I’m thinking about it, I can’t stop.

His hands on me, holding my hips, spreading my ass cheeks apart.That’s my good little boy.

Fingers on my lips, down my throat, gagging me, his sweat dripping onto my skin.Be a good boy for me. You can take it.

Fingers in my hair, shoving my face onto his dick, choking me with his cum.Good boys don’t let any spill.

Pain.So much pain.

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