Page 7 of Healed Hearts

“See, there’s your daddy,” Henry says.

She barely even acknowledges it, other than to hold her hands up in the air. I round the bed and lift her into my arms, tucking her against my chest. Her head falls to my shoulder, and she sniffles. The sound breaks my heart right in two. “It’s okay, baby girl. Daddy’s got you,” I whisper, pressing my lips to her wild curls. “Let’s go home, and we can climb into bed and watch movies. Sound good?” I ask.

“Yeah,” she whispers. Her voice sounds pitiful and weak, and it makes my heart clench painfully in my chest.

I make it to the bedroom door and Ruby stops me. “I’m serious, Julian. Don’t beat yourself up over this. I know youloved my daughter, but it’s been three years. You deserve happiness. She would want that for you. You’re only twenty-seven. Don’t spend the rest of your life alone.”

The tears clogging my throat make it impossible to speak, so I nod. If I’m being honest with myself, the worst of the grief has been over for a long time. Hell, I started my grieving process while she was still alive. It’s not that I’m still hung up on her or the loss. I’ve just spent so much of my time taking care of Wren and trying to be a good dad that “moving on” wasn’t a priority for me. Would I love to have someone to spend my life with? Yes. But it’s not the end of the world if I don’t have that. I know how lucky I am to have Wren. I don’t want to get greedy. I already have more than I ever thought I would.

Henry’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “Ruby’s right. Maya isn’t the only one who would want you happy. We do too.”

“I know, I’m trying. It’s… I want to devote my time to Wren.”

Ruby pats me on the shoulder. “You do. You’re a fantastic dad. But you need something for yourself too. And you know we’ll keep her anytime. We love spending time with our little Wren.”

And I do know that. They’re incredible grandparents, and they became sort of surrogate parents to me as well when mine disowned me. My bisexuality was pushing the boundaries already of what my own would accept. It was easier to hide my inappropriate attraction to men than the baby born out of wedlock. I’ll never regret my choices, though. It’s their loss. “I know,” I say, tugging Wren closer to me. “I appreciate you guys so much.”

“Let us know if you need anything,” Ruby says, smiling softly.

I nod. “I will.”

By the time we get home, Wren is asleep in her car seat. I carefully unbuckle her and carry her into the house, taking her straight to my room. She doesn’t even stir. I have to swallow down the ball of anxiety trying to build in my throat. I hatewhen she’s sick. Nothing makes me feel incompetent like taking care of her when she feels bad and not knowing what to do. I struggled with that when Maya was sick too. It’s challenging to watch the people you love struggle and not know how to help them.

Chapter Three

Holden

My hands are trembling as I pull open the door of Julian’s house and walk into the cool night. What in the actual fuck was that? Did I really fall asleep on his chest like some… I don’t even know how to finish that. The worst part of it all, is that I’m freaking the fuck out, and not at all in the way I should be. I fell asleep in a stranger’s bed, on his body, with his fingers trailing up and down my back, and all I can think about is his softly spoken,“Is this okay?”

People like that don’t actually exist, right?

I climb into my car, turn it on, and back out of the driveway. The distance I’m putting between us isn’t doing a single thing to get his words out of my head.What can I do to make you more comfortable?Not only did he ask, but then he did what I requested. He didn’t cross any boundaries I asked him not to. He didn’t even come close to them, actually. Somehow, I instinctively knew when he was rubbing my back that he wouldn’t take it further without asking.

A manic laugh bubbles in my chest. Oh God. I’ve got to get it together. But who does that? Really? Who pauses at every point and checks in? Him, apparently, and good God, that was the best orgasm I’ve had in… God, ever, maybe? I mean, I literally couldn’t even keep my eyes open after it was over. Normally, I’m ready to run right out the door. Ready to go and go and not stop until I’m very far away.

Normally, I’m left half-traumatized and unsatisfied.

Insert another manic laugh. Thank God Roman called me. I don’t know what he would have thought if he and his fiancé, Beck, had shown up to rescue me, and I was just stretched out, sleeping in the arms of a gentle giant. They’d probably sit me down and make me talk about it. That thought makes me giggle. Not a manic one this time, thankfully. A normal one.

Honestly, itwouldbe a little funny. Beck hated me until he didn’t, the switch flipping so quickly that it made my head spin a little. I felt like I already knew him before, because of how much Roman talked about him. But I can’t lie. When I first realized who he was, I thought he was a dick.

First, he was rude as hell to me. Then he was rude as hell to Ro. I figured Ro was looking at him through the idyllic lens of youth because no fucking way was he good enough for Roman. He proved me wrong, though. And now I live in his house. And he’s proof that I can have meaningful friendships outside of Roman. In a way, that almost means more to me than my friendship withRo. It’s proof that I’m not broken. Ro weaseled his way in slowly, earning my trust over time. Beck bulldozed past my defenses. It was honestly hardnotto trust him. He did and still does wear his heart on his sleeve. There’s not a single thing deceitful or shady about him.

When I pull in at home, Beck is waiting up for me. He’s standing on the front porch in nothing but a pair of raggedy sweats. He looks tired, and my heart gives a little pang at keeping him up. I shove it down, though, becausehello,he was also keepingmeup.

When I first met him—before he found Roman again, before he decided to take him back—exhaustion clung to him like a second skin. There was no joy in his eyes. Just sadness and exhaustion. Like a soul-deep tiredness that no amount of sleep can make better. I felt bad for him, truthfully. Roman always told me through the years that Beck radiated joy, but until they got back together, I saw nothing like joy from him.

I climb out of the car and head up the porch, suddenly very aware that I’m somewhat covered in dry cum. Oops.Should have taken an extra five seconds to clean up, Hold. Beck narrows his eyes at me as I get closer, and it’s obvious he’s noticed. Um, double oops?

We stand face to face in some weird standoff. So I glare at him, damn near double-dog-daring him to say something out of the way to me with my eyes.

He breaks first. Sucker. He sighs, his lips tilting up in an amused smirk. “Have fun?”

“Yeah, actually. I did. I’m sorry I kept you guys up.” His face colors, likely thinking about the original reason he was up late, and it makes me chuckle. He so rarely blushes that it’s always a real treat when he does.

“No need to be sorry. Roman was worried. He worked longer than I did today, so I finally convinced him to get some sleep, and I’d wait up for you.”

Something about the statement rubs me the wrong way. I know that I’m what some would consider traumatized by my past, but I don’t need a fucking keeper or a babysitter. I can and do take care of myself just fine, thank you very much. “You two know I don’t need a couple of daddies, right? I’m fully capable of taking care of myself.”

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