Page 62 of Healed Hearts

Beck is quiet for a second. “I’m not sure that counts on days like today, Hold. I think he probably needs you tonight. I think you probably need each other.”

I shrug. “I don’t want to break the rules. It’s what we agreed on. What if he thinks I’m too needy?”

Beck sighs, but doesn’t get to answer my question because the door opens and Roman walks in. “Hey. Oh shit, what’s wrong?” he asks as he comes around the corner of the couch.

The soft concern in his voice makes my throat close up, and thankfully Beck speaks up so I don’t have to. “He had a hard day at work. He’s going to sleep in our room tonight.”

Have I mentioned lately how fucking happy I am that I have Beck as a friend? “Oh, Hold. Come here,” Roman says as he sits down beside me on the couch. I lift off Beck’s lap and practically throw myself into Ro’s arms, new tears flowing as he holds me against his chest. “What can we do to help?” he asks.

I sniffle. “Beck already helped.”

Roman’s soft chuckle vibrates against my head where it’s resting against his chest. “Am I being replaced?”

I shake my head. No way. I love Beck, but Roman is my very best friend in the whole world. My ride or die. “Nah, but you may have to share the top spot. Do you think the two of you can keep your dicks in your pants long enough to let me sleep in your room?”

Beck laughs. “Yeah, CT, I think we can manage.”

I sigh, a smile forming on my lips. I’m thankful for the levity, but I really want Julian still. Maybe if I go lie down and sleep, the strange ache I have for him in my heart will go away. “Can we go lie down?”

I’m so fucking emotionally wrung out. I haven’t cried like this over my job since I lost a patient the very first day I started at this hospital after moving here with Ro. “Yeah, Hold. We can. Go get changed, and we’ll meet you in there,” Ro whispers.

I should feel stupid. Twenty-six years old and needing to sleep with my best friend and his fiancé, but I can’t even find it in me to be embarrassed about it. I need human contact tonight, and Idon’t want to be alone. They aren’t who I really want, but it’ll do. It’s better than nothing.

I pull away from Roman and stand, heading toward my room to change. I slip on a pair of comfy sweats, and then I glance around, noticing Julian’s shirt on the top of the basket of clean clothes. It won’t smell like him, but maybe I’ll feel more comfortable if I’m wearing it, anyway. Mind made up, I grab it and slip it over my head before stepping back into the hall and heading to Ro and Beck’s room.

They’re both in bed when I walk in, the space in the middle open. Beck pats the spot and I dive in between them, tucking myself under the blankets. Beck throws his arm over my stomach and pulls me in close to him. “Come on, beautiful. Let’s make a Holden sandwich.” Ro chuckles, but scoots closer, pressing in close to me. I’m surrounded by warmth on both sides, by two of the people I trust most in the world, but I feel like shit because the one person I want isn’t here, and I wish like hell he was.

I wake some time in the middle of the night. Beck’s not in bed anymore, but Ro is still cuddled up behind me, his arm wrapped around my waist and his face buried in my hair. I try to relax and go back to sleep, but then I hear Beck talking softly and the low rumble of what sounds like…there’s no way. My eyes pop open and I sit straight up. Roman sits up too, immediately awake and alert. “You can never sleep without Beck, huh?” I ask. “Even if he’s just gone for a minute.”

He rubs a hand down his face. “Yeah, it really sucks.”

I shrug. “Or it’s the best thing in the world, and you should be glad you feel that safe with the person you’re in love with.”

He hums, leaning over to press a kiss to the side of my head. “You’re right, Hold.”

I don’t have time to respond because the door opens and Beck walks in, Julian trailing behind him, looking like death warmed over. My jaw drops open, and I stare at him in shock. What in the world is he doing here? “Hey, darlin’,” he says softly. His voice sounds wrecked, and it makes my heart hurt. “There’s a sleeping Wren in your bed. We’d really like it if you’d join us in it for the rest of the night.”

Say less, honestly. I throw the blankets off myself and stand. If he can catch Wren, he can catch me. Or at least I’m hoping that’s the case because my feet carry me to the end of the bed, and then I’m jumping. He catches me against his chest with a soft grunt, and I wrap my arms and legs around him. “Thanks for letting us in, Beck. I apologize for interrupting your night, Roman,” Julian says, squeezing me to him like I’m his reason for existence. He inhales deeply, a shudder working its way through his body, and then turns, carrying me out of their room. The second he crosses into my bedroom, I reach out, swinging the door shut behind us, then I’m being pinned against it, and Julian’s mouth is on mine.

The kiss doesn’t last long, but it feels like my fucking salvation. Like it alone filled all the holes today left in me. He pulls back and inhales a deep breath. “I’m in love with you. Like fully, wholly, really fucking gone in love with you.”

His words should scare me. They should freak me the fuck out. But they don’t. They set me fucking free. This feelsexactlylike what nineteen-year-old me was longing for but was too scared to hope for. Like what Beck and Roman have. Like a lifetime of love and support and safety. Like my forever. “That’s honestly perfect because I’m so in love with you too.”

Julian’s breath hitches, and then he’s crushing his mouth back to mine. A whimper claws its way up my throat as his tongue brushes my bottom lip. My hands scrabble for purchase on hisback, but then he’s pulling back. “Fuck, Holden. I love you so much. Why did you run from me today?”

“I hurt Wren,” I choke out, tears filling my eyes all over again.Fuck.

Julian pulls me from the door and carries me to bed, not releasing his grip at all as he climbs in and pulls me down flush against him. His hand slides into my hair. “Look at her, darlin’,” he whispers, so I turn my head to stare at her. She’s tucked against my pillow, her thumb firmly in her mouth, her face peaceful and relaxed. “She’s fine,” he murmurs. “You were doing your job. You were doing what you had to in order to figure out what’s wrong. That’s all. I know that. She’s been asking about you all night.”

“She has?” I whisper.

“Yeah, she has. She hasn’t stopped once.”

“Why did you come here?” I ask, snuggling deeper into his embrace. His hands are trailing lazily up and down my back, his soft breath fanning across the top of my head.

“I was tired of crying alone in my bed like a sad sack, and decided that if the man I love was gonna run from me, I was going to damn well chase him down.”

I let out a wet laugh. “I wasn’t running, though. This was our deal.”

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