Page 58 of Healed Hearts

I hang up the phone and take a few minutes to get myself under control. I sit down, cradling my face in my hands, trying to breathe through the panic that’s rising in my chest. A small part of me is convinced I can’t do this, that I need to pageLydia and have her come take care of this for me. She would. No questions. But I can’t do that. She’smypatient.MyWren. I’m not her parent, and I may never get the privilege of helping Julian on that journey, but Iamher nurse. And this is my job. I’ve had harder cases. This is nothing new. I’ve had to make awful diagnoses. I’ve watched life leave people’s eyes as I use all my strength to do compressions. I can handle this.

I take a steadying breath and fire up the computer in front of me, getting the consent forms printed off. My hands are shaking so badly I can barely use the mouse, but after a few minutes I manage to get what I need printed.

I grab the papers off the printer, flipping through them to double-check all the details before I take them to Julian. I already did this, twice, actually. But I need the few extra minutes to get myself together. I walk slowly to the room, pausing only long enough to inhale a deep breath and fix my face, and then I’m pushing open the door to potentially ruin the life of the man I love.

Chapter Twenty

Julian

Ilove you too, pretty girl.

Those words are playing on repeat over and over in my mind as I watch Holden back up and head out of the driveway. I couldn’t even open my mouth and speak to him. Hell, I could barely even look at him. I don’t think I fully understood how fucking hard it would be to keep theI love youthat wanted to break free inside. I couldn’t say a single word to him because I was sure if I opened my mouth, those three words would come flying out like word vomit.

I watch until his car disappears from view.

I love you too, pretty girl.

“Hey, Wren?” I ask, turning to her.

She doesn’t bother looking away from the small cars she’s playing with on the living room floor. “Yeah, Daddy?”

“Do you wanna go see Mamaw and Poppy for a little bit?”

She drags her attention from her toys and looks at me. She gives me a little shrug. “Wanna see Holden.” Fuck, baby girl. I wanna see Holden too.

“We will,” I say, dropping to the floor next to her. “But can we go visit Mamaw and Poppy for a little first?”

She nods, deep brown eyes locked onto mine. “Sure,” she says with another shrug. “Then see Holden?”

“Yeah, baby girl. And then we’ll go see Holden.”

“Okay, Daddy,” she says with a grin, standing up with a car in each hand.

“Go potty before we leave.”

She drops her cars and heads to the bathroom while I gather her toys and put them away, before taking off to her bedroom to grab her little go bag. I hate that we even have to have this, but I’m hoping we can get some answers today. Oddly enough, my anxiety levels about the whole thing are so much better than they were before. Something about Holden’s calm confidence makes me feel better—more stable and secure. I know everything will be okay—even if it’s not—because this time I’m not alone. I have him.

Wren and I step into the living room at the same time. “Did you wash your hands well, baby girl?” I ask. She holds up wet hands to show me and I chuckle. “Let’s get them dried off, yeah?”

“Okay,” she says, running toward the kitchen. I follow her, grab some paper towels, and help her dry her hands.

“Okie doke. All dry,” I say, giving her a grin and a nose boop that has her giggling.

When we pull into the driveway at Ruby and Henry’s, Henry is mowing, and he waves at us from the mower, stopping and turning it off to tell us that Ruby’s in the house cleaning. I nod and he starts the mower back up.

Wren and I walk up the path to their front door, and we head in without knocking. “Ruby?” I call out, not wanting to startle her.

“Oh, hello, my favorite people.” She peeks around me as she approaches. “No Holden today?” Just the reminder of the man threatens to derail me, so I shake my head, trying to keep myself collected.

I love you too, pretty girl.

“I was hoping you’d keep Wren for me for a bit. Just an hour or so at the most.”

Ruby shoots me a concerned look as Wren takes off running toward her bedroom here. “You know I’ll keep her anytime you need me to. Is everything okay?”

My head tries to shake and nod all at once, and Ruby chuckles. “Everything’s alright,” I mumble. “I’m taking Wren to the hospital today. Hopefully, we can get some answers, but I… I really need to talk to Maya.” The words come out in a hoarse whisper, and Ruby’s face softens in understanding.

“You could have done worse than that sweet man. My daughter would be so happy for you, Julian. So are we.”

---