Page 57 of Healed Hearts

I stare at his message, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. Fuck.

Me

Yes, please.

Ro

No problem. I’ll let you know. But for what it’s worth, I doubt you messed up. I know what love looks like, Hold. And that man loves you, and if he doesn’t yet, he’s RIGHT THERE.

His message should make me smile, but it doesn’t. It does nothing but make my heart sink farther because what if he did love me or was close to it and I crossed the line today? But really, what was I supposed to do? Not tell her I loved her back? That wouldn’t have been fair. For one, Idolove her. And for two, you don’t ignore a three-year-old when they say something like that. Period.

Me

Thanks, Ro. Talk soon.

I slip my phone back in my pocket and round the nurses’ station. There are countless things I could be doing, and I can’t sit around and wait like this. It’s going to make me crazy. I’ve never done well with idle hands, and I’m especially not doing well with it right now.

I go room to room, making sure everything is stocked—filling up all the supplies in each, then I restock all the crash carts. I’m in the middle of sanitizing the already sanitized monitors when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I scramble to grab it with shaky hands.

Ro

He’s not home. So maybe he’s on the way to you. Probably got caught up.

If that’s the case, then he should be here within about twenty minutes or so, so I finish up my task, keeping an eye on the clock. The second I’m done, I head up front to wait. Minutes tick by and he doesn’t show. My heart beats an unsteady rhythm, my nerves getting the best of me. Did I really mess up that badly?

I’m four hours into my shift when the elevator door dings and my entire world steps into the pediatric unit. I’m on my feet in a millisecond, crossing the room to go to them. “What’s wrong?” I ask, noticing as I approach that Julian’s eyes are red and puffy, like he’s been crying.

He shakes his head, but doesn’t say anything, and my stomach plummets right to my feet. “You’re scaring me. Please talk to me,” I whisper, my voice raw with emotion.

He reaches out a hand and cups my cheek. “I’m okay, Hold,” he murmurs. Then he seems to catch himself. “Is it okay if I call you that?”

I smirk, even though my insides are a mess of anxiety and stress. “I much prefer darlin’, but Hold works too.”

He nods, so I press on, trying to gain some balance within and keep myself from falling apart. “If you call me CT, though, we’re going to have real problems.”

His lips quirk up in a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and a new wave of panic washes over me. I shove it down. “Okay, let’s get you two in a room, and I’ll call the doctor to let them know you’re here.” I have to swallow hard a couple of times after I get the words out.Just do your job, Hold. He’s not the man you’re falling in love with right now. He’s just the father of a patient. Do your job. It’s all good. Ha. That’s laughable, but you know what they say? Fake it until you make it.

I drop to my knees and smile at Wren, who grins back at me. “Hey, pretty girl,” I say, and she wraps her tiny arms around my neck for a hug. I can feel Julian’s eyes on us, but he still says nothing. Fuck me. This is so bad.Professional mode, Hold.You can deal with the fallout later. Right now, you have a patient to take care of. I stand and turn to Julian, pasting a professional smile on my face. Julian winces at my expression, and I almost falter—almost lose my composure, but I don’t. “Okay, guys, follow me.”

I turn around and lead them into the room. This particular room has a small TV, which is why I chose it. I hand Julian the remote, carefully avoiding touching him because I know if I do, I’m going to break down and beg him to talk to me, and I’ll be damned if I beg for anything from anyone. Fuck. That. “Feel free to turn on anything she wants to watch. The doctor will be in soon. Hit the button here,” I say, walking around the bed to show him the call button, “if you need anything.”

I’m almost to the door—so close. I have to get out of here. The second the door is closed behind me, I slump against it, forcing deep breaths into my lungs. I only give myself a coupleof seconds. If I give in, I’ll fall apart. I can’t afford to do that. I have to keep it together. I have a job to do. Besides, I’m going home tonight. Maybe Ro and Beck will let me sleep with them. I haven’t slept in the same bed with Ro since he had a nightmare before they got back together, but surely, they’d let me if I needed to be consoled from having my heart broken. Maybe Julian isn’t happy that Wren loves me, or that I love her. He told me he trusts me with her, but maybe loving her is too much. Why is this so fucking hard?

I remove myself from the door and head back to the nurses’ station to put a call in to Dr. Mays. He answers, thankfully. But I almost wish he hadn’t.

“I want a bone marrow biopsy done today,” he says, condescending tone in fine form. I resist the urge to roll my eyes, even though he can’t see me.

“Absolutely. What’s your timeline?” I ask, infusing fake cheerfulness into my voice.

This is going to destroy Julian.

“I’ll be up there in less than twenty if you want to get consent forms signed and all the information explained.”

I really don’t want to do that at all. I don’t want to be the person who tells Julian that our next step is finding out if his daughter has leukemia. But I don’t get to make that choice. It’s my job to be objective, but fuck, that’s so hard when I love the patient in question so much it feels like my heart is not a part of me, but walking around tucked in her tiny hands instead.

“Holden? Is that going to be a problem?” Dr. Mays’ shitty voice comes across the line, pulling me back to myself.

“No. I’ll head in now and get them prepared.”

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