Page 40 of Healed Hearts

I shudder, a tingle of fear slithering down my spine and settling in my stomach, replacing the fluttery feelings from before. “I’ve been there. Done that. In ugly ways with ugly people. When it’s something you have to do to eat, or have clean clothes, or a place to lay your head at night, it loses its luster. Besides, I never particularly liked it. It… hurt.”

Julian studies me for a minute. I wait for the disgust, for the anger, for the “Sorry, you need to leave. I have to protect my daughter from the whore,” but it doesn’t come. His unreadable expression is actually making me a little nervous. “That’s not a dealbreaker, is it?” My voice is small and I hate that. I’m not ashamed of my past, or my boundaries, but I also don’t want to be treated badly for them.

He shakes his head immediately. “No, absolutely not. But what about the other way around?”

I blink at him. “What do you mean?”

He chuckles, a pink flush spreading across his cheeks. Oh, that’s interesting. “Have you ever topped?” he asks.

I snort, which turns into a giggle, then full-blown laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Julian asks, a bemused expression on his face.

“That,” I say through my almost manic laughter. “Who’s going to letmetopthem?”

“I would. I would quite enjoy that, actually.” Something about the sincerity in his voice stops my laughter in its tracks and I stare at him with what I’m sure are wide eyes. Would he really? It feels unbelievable, but there’s nothing but honesty in his warm brown gaze. “Can I ask you a question?” he asks, and I nod, my throat dry. “Do I have permission to kiss you?”

“Now or?” I ask.

“Nowand, darlin’. I’ll ask every time if I need to. But I’d also be happy if I could kiss you anytime I want.”

“Yeah,” I whisper, swallowing hard, my throat clicking. “Now and is good.”

He leans in, sealing his lips over mine, and the response in my body is instantaneous. I reach out a hand, gripping his t-shirt in my fist. Is kissing like this for everyone? It’s no wonder Ro’s always clinging to Beck when they kiss. I feel like if I didn’t have a grip on Julian, I’d be floating off into space.

I scramble into his lap, straddling his hips. I can feel the heat of his erection against mine, but not a single drop of the usual anxiety I feel in situations like this is there. “Touch me,” I whisper against his lips. He doesn’t even hesitate. He grips my hips, his large hands almost completely encompassing my waist.

I get lost in kissing him. It feels too good for me to even worry about if I’m doing it right, or if he’s enjoying himself. Honestly, his hard cock against mine and the steady stream of low groans he’s letting out tell me he definitely is. This is kind of everything.I pull back from him slowly, trying to drag air into my lungs. “Can I stay the night?” I whisper, scared to voice the question any louder.

Julian gives me a soft kiss, then another. Then he’s dropping kisses along my jaw and throat, hauling my body in tight against him so I’m pressed fully to his chest. I tip my head, giving him room to work as his lips move over my skin. “You can definitely stay,” he says, punctuating the words with another gentle brush of his lips against my throat.

“It’s not going to cause problems with Wren?” I ask. “I know parents can be hesitant about letting people around their kids.”

Julian’s deep chuckle washes over my skin. “You’re already around Wren, darlin’.”

“I know that. But it’s different, right?”Stop talking before he changes his mind, Hold.

Julian releases his hold on me and sits back fully against the couch. Fuck.See, Hold? Knew it. You talked him out of it.I bring my gaze to his, and the warm amusement in his eyes makes my heart skip a beat. “I trust you implicitly with Wren.” I open my mouth to argue, but he silences me with a soft kiss that has me whining into his mouth, thoughts of arguing forgotten. By the time he pulls away, I’m half dazed and have not a single clue what I was going to say. “Like I said, I trust you. And not because you’re a nurse. You’re an amazing person, and she really likes you.”

I nod slowly, my heart knocking around in my chest. “Okay,” I say. “Yeah, I’d like to stay.”

Julian’s smile takes my breath away. “Come on, then. Now that I know I have a chance to woo you, I’d like your scent to live in my sheets again.”

I start to climb off him, but he stands, lifting me effortlessly with him. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he tightens his grip on my sides. It’s a little awkward, but an electric joltshoots through my body when I realize he’s holding me like that because he doesn’t want to touch my ass.

I think I trust him, though. Which is so strange to me. Sure, I trust Ro and Beck, but I’ve never not had my guard up with someone I’ve had a sexual relationship with.

I giggle. “You can hold me by my butt. If you’re going to be carrying me around, you may as well get a good grip on me so you don’t drop me.” I glance down at the floor and look back at him with a smirk. “It’s quite a big drop from way up here.”

He laughs, but adjusts his hands one at a time until he’s supporting my weight with his hands under my ass. He carries me off to his room, depositing me on his bed. “Oh, I don’t have any clothes,” I mumble. I guess I could sleep in my underwear, but I’d rather not. In case Wren needs something in the middle of the night. Julian wordlessly walks to his closet, pulls a t-shirt out and hands it to me.

I stand, pulling my shirt over my head quickly, pausing when Julian lets out a choked sort of noise. I glance at him, and he is studiously avoiding looking at me. “Should I be offended that you’re not watching me undress?” I ask, humor lacing my tone.

He shakes his head. “Oh, no. I definitely want to watch, but I’m trying to be respectful.”

Fuck, I’m going to lose my heart to this man so fast. I chuckle to cover the pang of fear and longing that twists my stomach at that thought. “You can watch, if you’d like.”

He turns his gaze to me slowly, his eyes widening as he takes me in. I watch as his throat bobs with a heavy swallow. “That belly button ring should be against the Geneva Convention.”

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