Page 38 of Healed Hearts

Oh my god.He called me darlin’, and then I almost kissed him. Holy shit,I almost kissed him.I was so close. Thank God Wren woke up. What was I thinking? Actually, I know what I was thinking. Goddamn, he’s so nice and sweet and gorgeous and fucking perfect, and I really like him so much. That’s what I was thinking. And now I’m thinking I may want a do-over. My stomach flips violently, my heart beating against my rib cage like a battering ram. Oh fuck.Stay calm, Hold. You’re literally holding a knife with a three-year-old. Keep it together.

“You’re doing so well, Wren,” I say, trying to infuse the pride I’m feeling into the words instead of the absolute terror.

I canfeelJulian’s eyes on us, and it’s got me all kinds of messed up inside.

Darlin’.

Deep breaths, Hold.

I focus all my attention on helping Wren finish slicing the vegetables, and by the time we’re done, I’ve gotten my thoughts under control.

Mostly.

Okay, not mostly at all. But theyarea dull roar instead of a deafening scream, so that’s gotta count for something.

I help Wren off the chair and lean against the counter, watching Julian cook. His hands are… fuck. I have really got to get it together. I’m in the process of taking a deep breath when Wren tugs on my pant leg. I look down at her, and she blinks at me with big brown eyes. “I wanna watch a movie,” she says.

Before I can even say anything, Julian is answering her. “I’ll get a movie set up for you. Come on.” She glances at him before turning her attention to me.

“Holden come too?” she asks, her soft voice burrowing its way into my heart. I think I’d kill for this kid, if I’m being honest with myself.

“Yeah, I’ll come too. But then I’m going to help Daddy finish dinner, okay?”

“Okay,” she whispers, slipping her hand into mine. Is my heart about to beat out of my chest? I really think it might. Ho-lee-shit. This does not bode well for my ability to move past this if Julian doesn’t return my feelings.

I sincerely hope my face isn’t doing anything fucked up.

I follow Wren as she leads me into the living room. She lets go of my hand as she climbs onto the couch, settling her body in the center. Julian grabs a blanket from the back of the couch, tucksit around her, and kisses her forehead. “What do you wanna watch, baby girl?” he asks, grabbing the remote from the arm of the couch.

“SpongeBob,” she says, kicking her little legs in excitement.

Julian chuckles and the sound washes over me, sending tingles shooting through my body. Once Wren is good to go with her show, Julian taps her on the nose and tells her to call for him if she needs him. She nods, barely paying him any mind as she tries to look around his body to watch the TV.

As we walk to the kitchen, I can hear her singing the theme song. “She likes to sing too, huh? Not just you?” I ask, smiling at her adorable singing voice.

“She really does.” The soft smile on his face has my heart going a mile a minute, and I really need to sit down. I climb up the counter, planting my butt next to the stove so I can watch Julian as he cooks. He’s talking to me, but I’m not listening to a word he’s saying. I can’t hear anything over the blood rushing in my ears. Even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to focus because my eyes are glued to the way his mouth shapes the words as he speaks them.

How does one initiate a kiss while someone is talking? It’s not that I don’t like to hear him talk because I do. But would it be rude if I grabbed him and just… did it? Will he push me away? Should I ask first? No way I can ask first, right? I’ll never be able to get the courage up if I have to voice it instead of actually doing it.

“Holden?” I’m pulled from my thoughts as a clearly worried Julian stares at me.

“Yes?” I ask, hoping that my voice isn’t shaking.

“I asked if you were okay. You zoned out there for a second.”

I nod slowly. I’m okay. Definitely. Freaking out a little, a nervous wreck, a giant mess of anticipation and want, but okay. Kind of. It’s not really a lie.

He smiles at me, and my eyes follow the movement.Stop staring at his lips, Holden. For fuck’s sake. I can’t, though. I really can’t. “Holden?” he asks again, worry creeping into his tone.

It’s just a kiss, Hold.It’s not that big of a deal.

Grab him and do it.

Do it.

I angle my body toward his, a strange sensation floating around in my stomach. Anxiety is threatening to rip me in two, but I can do this. “Holden?” he repeats, closer this time. I can feel the heat of him against my thigh, and it sends a shiver through my body. He really sounds worried. Fuck, I have to do this. I reach out and grip his shirt in my hands. I force my gaze up until our eyes lock, and he cocks his head at me, concern and confusion warring for control of his expression.

Fuck it. I pull him forward.

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