He gives me a confused look, but he nods before scooping up Wren and making her scream in excitement as they head back to the car.
As soon as they’re out of earshot, I move a little closer to Maya’s headstone.
I sit awkwardly for a moment, and then sigh. “I’m Holden.”
I chuckle a little to myself. “This is a little strange. For both of us, I’m sure. I’ve never actually done this before.”
For some reason, it’s making me want to cry, though, so I clear my throat and take a deep breath. “I love your daughter. And Julian.” I clear my throat again, but it doesn’t matter. The tightness there is almost unbearable, so I stop trying to fight it. “I promise I’ll take good care of them,” I whisper as the first tear makes its way out of my eye. “Both of them. I’ll do my best to make sure they always know they are loved and supported. I didn’t grow up in a loving home. And from what I know of you, that’s all you would have wanted for Wren. I’ll help Julian make sure she has that.”
Great. Now I’m openly crying. Julian’s going to think I’m losing my damn mind when I get back to the car. I chuckle a bit, then try to calm myself down. “Anyway, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit soon. I’m going to ask Julian to tell me all the stories he can about you, so I can help him keep your memory alive for Wren. I promise.”
I sniffle and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, no doubt smudging my eyeliner. I really should invest in some waterproof shit at this point. “We hung a photo of you in the living room. You were so pregnant. You looked radiant. You can just tell that Wren was so loved, right from the start. You were born to be her mom. I’m so sorry you didn’t get toliveto be her mom.”
My throat tightens again, and I swallow hard as more tears find their way out of my eyes. “Shit. I’m a mess,” I say, laughing a little. “I’m gonna go now, but we’ll be back to visit soon.”
When I stand, I place my hand on top of her stone before wiping my face again and heading back to the car.
After I climb in, Julian looks at me, his eyes darting around my face, which no doubt looks a hot mess. He grabs my shirt and pulls me across the console to plant his lips on mine. When he pulls back, he’s smiling. “I love you so much, Holden. Thank you for everything you’ve brought into my life.”
I let out a wet laugh because why not. Crying is apparently the name of the game today. “I feel like I should be the one thanking you. I loveyouso much.”
“Love you, Daddy,” Wren says from the back seat. I’m not sure who she’s talking to, but it really doesn’t matter.
“We love you too, baby girl,” Julian says, glancing behind him to look at her.
By the time we get home, Wren is starving. And I’m not doing much better myself. I actually passed the point of hungry about twenty minutes ago, and I’m starting to get irritated about it.
Julian lifts me onto the counter and tells me to sit still and look pretty, which is deeply offensive. “I’m not just some pretty little chaos twink for you to stare at all day.”
Julian shoots me a glance as he opens the oven, and slides the pan with the pizza he just assembled inside. “Of course you’re not. But you’ve never complained before about sitting on the counter and watching me cook.”
My stomach growls and he smirks. Which, rude. “I told you we could just have frozen pizzas and you said no. That it wouldn’ttake that long to make them homemade. That’s a lie, Julian. It’s taking forever.”
He closes the oven and turns to me fully. I’m not a huge fan of the smug grin on his face that he’s trying and failing to hide. Honestly, it’s kind of annoying. I narrow my eyes at him. “What’s so funny?”
He shakes his head and sets the timer. Twenty minutes.
Twenty fucking minutes for some damn pizza.
“Ugh.”
Julian chuckles. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, darlin’. But I think you might be hangry.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, if I am, it’s your fault. I told you frozen pizzas would be fine. I told you I was hungry.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose as he fights to stay in control of his face and not smile. “I’m not sure who I pissed off in a past life to end up with two of you, but from now on, I’ll know that the second you tell me you’re hungry, it’s go time.”
I grumble a bit, but don’t argue when he leans in to kiss me. “Can you hold off for twenty—” He turns and looks at the timer on the stove. “Nineteen more minutes?”
“I guess. As long as you take me to the living room and cuddle with me while we wait.”
He tilts his head back and forth like he’s considering it before giving me a grin and picking me up from the counter. “You drive a hard bargain, but I’m in.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. I fucking love him so much. Even if he does make me wait too damn long to eat.
He carries me into the living room and sits down on the couch. Wren is on her stomach on the floor, coloring in one of the coloring books Uncle Beck got her, kicking her feet back and forth as she does.
Hangriness aside, I can’t believe this is my life. I sigh and settle against Julian, resting my head on his shoulder so I can still watch Wren. “I love you,” I whisper.