I shake my head in amusement, but do as she asks. Hey, she said please.
I’m not a pushover.
Okay, I’m a pushover.
Once her shoes are tied, she jumps off the couch. We’ve been home for two weeks, and it honestly feels like a dream. Her transfusion was a complete success, and she’s fully in her rambunctious kid era. She has so much attitude and personality. I don’t think I realized just how much being sick was wearingher down, especially since she handled it so well during. She’ll still need supportive care, and daily medication, but she’s been deemed fully cured. I start back to work next week, since I wanted a few weeks at home helping Julian get everything settled.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Julian asks, worry in his tone.
I glance up at the photo we hung last week of Maya, her belly round and her smile huge, her dark curls, so much like Wren’s, pulled back off her face. “Yeah, I’m definitely okay with this.”
Julian holds my hand as Wren runs ahead of us through the cemetery. She knows exactly where she’s going, and as soon as she finds Maya’s headstone, she sits down in front of it.
I have to choke back a wave of emotion when she pats the top of it, and then holds her iPad up. “Look, Momma. Daddy got it for me.”
“She talks to her,” I choke out. I’m not sure why I’m so shocked by that. Julian and I have talked about how until she got sick, he brought her here to visit frequently.
“Yeah,” Julian says, sounding just as choked up as I am.
“I love that,” I whisper, watching as she flips through the pages, rambling on and on about her “fun games” and her “learning games” and how we make her play learning games more than fun games.
Then she starts showing her photos she’s taken. “Me. Me and Daddy. Me and Daddy.” One photo of her and Julian, and one photo of her and me.
Jesus. I did not expect this to hit me as hard as it is. “Are you okay, darlin’?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m alright. I just… I didn’t know what to expect.”
“She started talking to her pretty early on. Probably because she saw me doing it. I just let her. I don’t think she really understands, but I figure it can’t hurt.”
I nod, too choked up to answer. I think it’s sweet. And heartbreaking.
“Want to go sit with her?” Julian asks.
I wordlessly take a step toward Wren, and he follows me. When we reach the edge of the plot, we both sit down. Neither of us talk. We just sit side by side, holding hands, while Wren tells her mom about everything and nothing.
After a while, she seems to lose interest, opening up her coloring app as she leans against the headstone.
Still, neither of us move or speak—content to let her have this moment.
I lean into Julian after Wren finishes her first coloring page and then holds her tablet up like she’s showing someone behind her. “I want more kids.”
Julian hums. “Me too, darlin’.”
“I want to foster,” I hear myself saying.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Would you be okay with that?” I ask, tilting my head back to look up at him.
He smiles at me. “Yeah, I would be okay with that. We’ll work on starting the paperwork this week before you go back to work.”
I nod, my heart racing, as I turn my attention back to Wren. After a while, she gets bored and abandons her iPad to get up and run around.
“Wren,” Julian says. “Come here, please. Let’s head home, okay?”
She skips back over to us, stopping to pick up her iPad.
Julian stands and holds his hand down to me to help me up. I look at him for a second and shake my head. “You guys go on. I’ll be there in a minute.”