Page 129 of Healed Hearts

Grabbing the handle of the suitcase we packed, I drag it behind me as we head out the door and toward the car.

The room we’re in is full to brimming. Roman and Beck are sitting in the same chair, with Roman on Beck’s lap talking to Ruby and Henry. Holden is in a deep conversation with Lydia that I’m trying to tune out because it’s all very medical jargon, that is, quite honestly, scaring the shit out of me. Which is how I find myself sitting on the hospital bed beside Wren, holding her hand. “Hey, baby girl. You feeling okay?”

She nods with a smile. “Yes, Daddy. I’m okay.”

It’s a relief, of course, but I don’t have high hopes. Remembering how sick chemo made Maya is making it really hard for me to focus on the positives of this situation. All I can think about is my little girl losing her beautiful curls, watching her be unable to eat, and worrying about how her tiny body is going to withstand something like this.

“It’s not the same, you know.” Holden places a hand on the side of my neck, rubbing his thumb along my pulse point in a soothing way.

I lean into his touch. “What’s not?”

“The chemo. I mean, yeah, the chemo is the same. But it’s not the same. Maya had aggressive cancer that needed to be treatedaggressively. This is not like that. We’re essentially knocking out her marrow so that yours can do its job without rejecting.”

I nod. He’s explained this to me before, of course. He’s been wonderful with answering my thousands of questions, but I’m still worried about it. “I know, Hold.”

He leans into me, pressing his lips to my temple. “I know you’re worried. I am too. She’s a tough girl, and she’ll make it through.”

“Tough like her mommy,” Ruby says, sitting down beside me. “Come here, miss Wren. Come give Mamaw hugs.”

Wren does. Climbing across the bed and settling herself in Ruby’s lap. Ruby gives her a hug, then pulls back and brushes her curls off her forehead. “Are we going to sweet talk Daddy Hold into braiding your hair for us again?”

Wren grins, but Holden and I both let out simultaneous gasps. Holden’s grip tightens on my neck as my heart takes off in a gallop. “Daddy Hold?” Holden says softly. Reverently.

Ruby looks up at him. “Yes, if you’d be so inclined.”

Leave it to her to jump right into the deep end. This woman gives zero fucks and will call it like she sees it every single time. “I couldn’t,” Holden says quietly after a minute. My heart drops. It makes sense, though. I get it. “I… she already… she has—” His voice cuts off abruptly, and his fingers are trembling where they’re still gripping my neck.

Ruby raises an eyebrow. “She already has what? A dad? I know you’re not insinuating that she can’t have two? And what if you have more kids, huh? Would only one of you be a dad to them?”

I almost want to laugh, truly I do. But I can’t. Because my heart is racing, and my stomach is doing nervous flips. And I’m waiting, waiting, waiting to see what Holden is going to say.

For a long while, he says nothing, and I hold my breath. I hold my breath long enough that my lungs burn. And burn. And burn some more.

Finally, he says, “Julian?” And I allow myself to exhale.

His tone is subdued. Questioning. Disbelieving.

There’s still a tremor in his hand.

I tilt my head back to look at him, and the love and longing and pure fuckingwantshining in the depths of his green eyes makes my heart lodge itself in my throat. I clear my throat and try for a smile. “Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

Tears well up in his eyes, and before he can stop it, he lets out a little sob. I wrap an arm around his waist and tug him into my lap, where he buries his face in my chest. “Really?” he whispers.

I bury my face in his hair, trying to control my own wayward emotions so I can talk and tell him that, yes, I so fucking mean it. And that I would be honored. And that Wren would be the luckiest little girl in the world to have him as her dad. But Ruby beats me to it. “I can’t speak for Julian, but I think you’d be a wonderful dad to our Wren. Isn’t that right, little one?”

Wren giggles and Holden shudders against me. “I agree,” I somehow manage to say. His shoulders shake and his chest hitches as he cries quietly in my lap. I rub his back until he finally calms. When he sits up, he quickly dashes at his eyes. Ruby taps my arm and I glance over to see that she’s handing me a Kleenex, which is for the best. The downsides of having a boyfriend who loves eyeliner is that said eyeliner tends to make a mess from time to time.

“Here, darlin’. Look at me.” Holden raises his gaze to mine, and I use the tissue to gently wipe away the smudged black under his eyes. When it’s as cleaned up as it’s going to get, I lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips. “Perfect.”

Ruby clears her throat, and Holden and I both turn to look at her. She smiles, then reaches out a hand to cup Holden’s chin. “You’re going to be exceptional. Maya would love you.”

I don’t really have it in me to think about that. Because if Maya were still here, I wouldn’t have Holden. And I couldn’t imaginetrading one for the other. But I’m glad that Ruby approves at any rate.

“Thank you,” Holden whispers, giving Ruby a shy smile.

Wren is sleeping between Holden and me with an IV in her arm. Holden is absently twirling her hair around his fingers, humming softly. I’m not even sure if he’s aware that he’s doing it. I can’t drag my eyes away from him. It’s clear how much love he has for Wren, and how much love she has for him. She didn’t even want me tonight. As soon as we climbed into her bed with her, she turned and snuggled right into Holden’s chest. I can’t even be upset about it.

Not when he takes such good care of her. Not when being there for us means so much to him. Not when he cried in my arms at the mere thought of being her dad.

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