Page 111 of Healed Hearts

His head tilts to the side. “How are you failing?”

I reach up to grip my hair with both hands, irritation with myself burning through me. How does he not understand this? “I can’t even take care of her. Every time something happens, I’m useless. Either I’m panicking or I’m swallowing a damn pill that makes me calm but still useless. Hell, this time I had to take two.”

He gives me a strange look but steps closer to me, placing his hand on my chest. “You aren’t useless at all.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

Holden

Julian stares down at me with tears building in his eyes. “You’re not, okay?” I repeat.

He sighs and wraps his arms around me, squeezing me tightly against him. “I just don’t feel like I’m handling this well at all.”

It’s easy to hear the irritation with himself in his voice. “Youarehandling it.”

He laughs, but it’s sad. “I can’t even make it through a single bad situation without anxiety medication. It… it makes me feel like a bad dad.”

My heart clenches painfully. I am a little concerned that he’s taking more than prescribed. “Julian, we know bad dads. We had them. Do you really think you’re even close to that?”

“I can’t even take care of my daughter, Holden.”

Fuck, he really believes that. Or at least, he does in this moment. I’m not convinced he thinks that most of the time. Surely he has to know how fucking amazing he is. How well taken care of and loved Wren is. How in awe I am of the type of man he is in general. But especially with her. “She’s in the hospital getting a blood transfusion.”

He sighs. “I know that.”

I pull back and look up at him. “You’re missing the point. She’s in the hospital, getting what she needs. You’re doing fine.”

He shakes his head. “No.Youare doing fine. You got us here. You made sure she got what she needed. Not me.”

I blink at him. How can I fix this? I’m honestly not sure. “Actually,weare doing fine. This is a partnership, right? That’s what you said. You said you wanted to raise Wrenwithme. That’s what this is, right? You don’t have to do life all alone anymore. Neither of us do.”

He gapes at me, like he hadn’t really considered that before. His throat bobs as tears well in his eyes. “You’re right.”

Relief floods me. Thank God. I grin up at him. “Yeah, I usually am. So remember that for any and all future disagreements.”

He tugs me back toward him with a choked laugh. “Can we sit with Wren?” His question is soft, so much pain in it that it makes my stomach hurt.

“Of course we can.”

He doesn’t let go of me for a long minute, and I don’t step away. He’s so good at giving me what I need. I hope I can be as good at giving him what he needs. And if what he needs is to stand here and collect himself, then I’m all for it.

When he pulls back, he quickly wipes his eyes. Like the last time we were here doing this same thing, I drag the love seat across the room so it’s right next to her bed. God, my life has changed so much since then. Because of the two of them.

Julian and I sit down beside each other. Wren is asleep and has been since they started the transfusion. I lean my head on his shoulder with a sigh, watching the rise and fall of her chest.

“You know,” Julian says. “When we came here before, that night I called and you came running, you laid your head on me just like this.”

“I remember. I was upset. I don’t like confrontation. But I got into it with Dr. Mays. I needed comfort.”

“I was a mess that night. You leaned against me and I thought I was going to lose it. My heart was pounding like crazy. I felt like a teenager with a crush. You were so fierce that night, defending her and fighting for her. I think I fell in love with you a little right then.”

I can’t help the small giggle that escapes at that. “Really?”

Julian grasps my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, really. Thank you, Hold. For being patient with me today. For talking me down. I’m not sure I deserve it, though.”

“Of course you deserve it. What does that even mean?”

He glances at me. “I don’t like being like this. Needy. Whatever. I like to be able to take care of things.”

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