Page 11 of Healed Hearts

I set her down, and she lifts her hand up to grab mine. I can’t help but smile down at her as we walk through the parking lot and into the hospital. The harsh antiseptic smell makes my stomach turn, but I try to ignore it. They’ll probably take her to the pediatrics area, right? No reason at all for us to be in oncology. I glance down at her and watch as her wide eyes take in the chaotic activity around her. I know there’s no way she remembers how much time we spent here the way I do, and honestly, I’m thankful for that.

I get her checked in and a few minutes later, they have us in an exam room. The nurse asks some basic questions about her symptoms and tells me the PA will be right in.

Wren’s sitting on my lap, and I pull my phone out so she can play on it, but I don’t even have time to set her up because there’s a knock on the door. A blonde man walks in, a bright smile on his face. “Hey, guys, I’m Beck. I hear Miss Wren isn’t feeling too great.”

She blinks up at him. She’s always been shy, but she’s barely even spoken since she started feeling bad. “She’s been sleeping a lot,” I blurt out, unable to stop myself.

The doctor nods, and after washing his hands, sits down on a stool and rolls toward us. “Can I touch your neck?” he asks. She doesn’t answer him, so he glances up at me.

“Yeah, whatever you need to do.” I take a deep breath, trying to keep myself calm.

“Have you noticed any other symptoms or are we just sleeping a lot?” he asks as he gently checks her neck, then looks in her ears. “Open wide for me,” he says, before looking at her throat as well.

“Well, it’s mostly just the sleeping,” I say. “She hasn’t thrown up or ran a fever or anything. But today I noticed a bruise on her stomach.”

He frowns. “Can I check it out?”

She nods shyly at him. He lifts her shirt, just enough to see. “Can we lay her back?” he asks, so I stand and lay her down on the exam table.

He’s all concentration as he pushes on her stomach. “Does any of this hurt?” he asks.

“No,” she says, blinking up at him.

“Well, that’s what we like to hear,” he says, giving her a grin.

“What do you think’s wrong? Why does she have that bruise?” I ask.

He directs his attention to me. “It’s not all that abnormal for kids to get bruises, even if they don’t quite remember where they came from. Can you remember anything she could have hit herself on?”

I shake my head. “No, she’s been sleeping a lot this week, so she hasn’t even really played.”

He gives her a little tickle to her sides that has her giggling and him smiling, and then he pulls her shirt down. “I’m thinking it’s probably a viral infection that’ll need to run its course. Her ears are clear, and her throat looks fine, but I’m going to send you up to pediatrics to get a blood draw. When there’s no clear cause and parents are concerned, I like to cover all the bases.”

I hesitate. He thinks it’s a viral infection, which means nothing to really worry about. I’m already a lot calmer than I was, butdoing some blood work wouldn’t hurt. If anything, it’ll just put me at ease more to know for sure. “Okay, yeah. Let’s do that, as long as it’s not a big deal.”

“Not at all,” he says, before turning his attention back to Wren. “My friend Holden works up there. You’ll really like him. He’s super nice. Tell him Beck said to give you extra stickers.”

His words give me a little jolt, my pulse quickening, but I brush it off quickly. No way it’s the same Holden from last weekend. Wren nods at him, with the biggest smile I’ve seen on her face all week. I read on a parenting blog once that kids are always super sick until you take them to the ER, and then they snap right out of it. I chuckle a bit to myself at the reality of that right now. Maybe I really am worrying for no reason. That would be nice.

“Okay, I’ll get the order put in, and someone will be around in a few to take you all up,” he says.

By the time we make it to our room in the pediatric unit, I’m much calmer. Wren is quietly playing a game on my phone, and I’m watching her, happy that she seems to be feeling a bit better.

There’s a slight knock, and then a nurse walks in, shutting the door behind them. “Hey, guys. How are we doing today?” That voice. I know that fucking voice.

“I’m playing Daddy’s phone,” Wren says, shyness forgotten, holding it up to show him.

“Oh yeah? That sounds fun!” And then he turns, and my gaze collides with emerald green, and I’m drowning all over again. I’m frozen in place, unable to say a single fucking word. This cannot be happening right now.

Something flashes in his expression, there and gone so quickly, I have no hope of figuring out what it was. “Hello,” he says, holding his hand out to shake mine in a way that is so achingly familiar it almost takes me out. “I’m Holden.”

I stare at him in confusion. Does he not remember me? We literally had almost this exact same exchange a week ago. A week ago, today, actually. He blinks up at me, hand out in front of him, his expression expectant. I reach out and clasp his hand in mine, the same sharp crackle of electricity that fired up my arm last time, hitting me again, nearly taking my breath away. “I’m Julian,” I say. I guess we’re pretending like we don’t know each other, then. Cool. This is fine. Really. No big deal. I’m totally okay with this.

He pulls his hand from mine and turns to Wren. “And who’s this little cutie?”

“I’m Wren,” she declares proudly, setting my phone to the side, her eyes locked on him like he’s the best thing she’s ever seen. She’s never like this with new people. I guess something about him puts her at ease, which makes sense because he put me at ease too. Until I started drowning, that is.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says, smiling down at her. My stomach gives a little twist at the way he’s looking at her.Stop it, Julian. This is his job. When he turns to me, his expression is blank—none of the smile he gave Wren to be found. “So, we’ll get her blood drawn and you two can be on your way. It’ll take about twenty-four hours or so to get the results back. Someone will call you if there’s anything abnormal.”

---