Page 108 of Healed Hearts

Chapter Thirty-Four

Julian

Holden is fucking exquisite. By the time I’m pressing circles into the backs of his thighs with my thumbs, he’s a whimpering mess, his hips rocking slightly into the bed.

If I had known giving him a massage would get this kind of reaction, I would have done it forever ago. “Feel good, darlin’?”

The only response I get is a breathy moan and a nod. I chuckle. I’ll take that. I drag my hands over his ass cheek. I don’t linger there for long, though. Even though he’s definitely enjoying this, it wasn’t intended to be sexual. I could tell that he needed a little extra affection today. I’m not sure if it’s his high emotions orif he’s just had bad days at work, but either way, I’m definitely in the business of giving him what he needs. How could I not? Especially when it’s so easy. He likes physical touch and I love to touch him.

I dip my fingers into the dimples at the small of his back before slowly massaging the oil into his skin. He gasps and I can’t resist leaning forward and pressing my lips to the small indents. Fuck, I love these so much. So fucking sexy for no good reason. When my lips connect with his skin, he groans, rounding his back like he’s trying to get more.

My cock is throbbing between my legs, but this isn’t about that, so I sit back quickly before I’m tempted to kiss my way up his back. I let my hands work magic on his skin, drawing whimpers and groans from him in a non-stop stream.

By the time I’m on his right arm, his breathing is ragged. “You okay, darlin’?”

He whines. It seems I’ve reduced him to nothing but moans, whimpers, and whines. My chest swells with pride. I mean, this man is perfection, and I seriously feel like beating my fists on my chest at the prospect of making him feel this good. With nothing but my hands at that.

Climbing over his body, I settle on the other side of him and start over on his left side. When I’ve covered every inch of available skin, I nudge his side. “Roll over for me?”

He does. Slowly. Like his limbs are so relaxed he can barely make them work. When he’s on his back, head tilted back, eyes closed, I start over. He’s hard and leaking, but I avoid touching his cock. If he asks me to, I will. But I want him to experience pure physical touch with no expectations for more. I want him to know that there is intimacy and connection without it needing to be sexual. I honestly just want to give him what he needs. And right now, I think what he needs is this. To be able to relax, shut his brain off, and be taken care of.

I lose myself in gently working my fingers across his skin, the sounds he’s making, and the way his body’s arching into my touch.

“Julian.”

My name on his lips brings my attention to his face. When our eyes collide, I barely see any of the usual emerald because his pupils are so wide. His chest is heaving under my fingers, his face flushed. “Yes?”

“Can we try fingers? Please. It’s not the wrong reasons at all. I promise. I’m so turned on. This is so good. Just… God, please.”

Truthfully, I can tell. There’s no terrified edge to his voice, no desperate pleading in his eyes. He’s asking because hewantsthis. Because it feels right to him at this moment. “Anything you want, darlin’.”

He groans, shocking the hell out of me when he grasps his thighs and pulls his legs back. I take a couple of deep breaths, preparing myself. He’s definitely on board, but this needs to be handled delicately, or that can change in an instant. I dip my fingers back into the coconut oil, letting it melt with my body heat.

I don’t go right into it, instead I start slowly, touching his ass cheek and the inside of his thighs. When I reach the skin behind his balls, he tenses. I almost pull back, but before I can, he’s groaning and pulling his legs back farther, his dick flexing against his stomach, a string of pre-cum reaching toward his skin. Not a bad tense, then.

I drag my finger down slowly, brushing it against his hole and then back up, watching him carefully to gauge his reaction. He seems okay, but unlike kissing and rimming, I’m not the only person who’s touched him this way. And from what I understand, the only people who ever have hurt him. “Darlin’, I need you to promise you’ll stop me if I do something you don’t like. You are far too important to me to lose you over this, okay?”

He nods. “I promise. I trust you, Julian.”

I trail my finger down again, doing nothing but circling his entrance with it—letting him get used to the way it feels. His body is still, like he’s taking it in. When his hole softens enough that I can push the tip in, I do. He gasps and I stop, keeping my eyes locked on his face.

I glance down quickly. He’s still hard, leaking even, which to me seems like a good sign, so I press in a little deeper as I look back up at him. His face does something complicated. “Do you want me to stop?”

He shakes his head. “I think I need a distraction, though. I’m not freaking out, but I’m too in my head.”

A distraction? I think I can manage that. I lean down and bring my lips to his. He opens for me immediately, and I dip my tongue into his mouth, savoring the taste of him. Bringing a hand up to tangle in my hair, he groans into my mouth. As we kiss, I work my finger deeper into him—until my hand is pressed against his ass and my finger is surrounded by the tight heat of his body.

I pull back. “You okay?”

He nods, then uses his grip on my hair to drag me back to him. He kisses me frantically as I pump my finger in and out of him. I’m kind of flying blind here. And I’m not a fan of the fact that I can’t see his face.

I sit back, smiling at his frustrated huff. “Sorry, darlin’. I need to see your face.”

He pouts up at me, kiss-swollen lips shiny. “I’m okay, I promise.”

“And I believe you, but I really need this anyway, okay?”

He watches me for a second, his eyes soft with understanding, then he nods. I crook my finger and when I find his prostate, his eyes widen and his hips jerk up. “What the fuck?” His words are a breathless gasp that make me chuckle.

---