Page 106 of Healed Hearts

When Julian makes it to his room, he sits down on the bed, adjusting and maneuvering until we’re in one of my favorite positions—him sitting against the headboard with me straddling his lap, our bodies touching at almost every point. The only thing I like better is when we go to sleep, and I’m sprawled out on his body.

He traces my spine with his fingertips. “What’s going on, darlin’?”

I try hard to focus long enough to get my thoughts in order, but what comes out is a jumbled hot mess of word vomit. “I hate being away from you guys. The texting is fine, and the video calls are better, but it’s not the same. Beck drove me here because I’m so tired from not being able to sleep that he didn’t want to let me drive myself. I wake up every day and hate that I’m not waking up with you and when I go to sleep, I toss and turn all night. I’m miserable. This is awful. I thought it was fine. But it’s not. It’s really not fine. We have to do something different. I can’t keep doing this.” I drag in a heaving breath. Did I even breathe the entire time I was talking? Not sure.

Julian chuckles softly, which almost makes me cry again. I know it wasn’t the most eloquent thing I’ve ever said, but it’s not nice for him to make fun of me. “So move in with me.”

I jerk back to stare at him, my jaw dropping open in shock. “What? I can’t do that.”

He tilts his head to the side. “Why not?”

Why would he even suggest that? You can’t just move in with someone because you miss them. I mean, sure, I love him and he loves me and we want to be together, but you don’t jump right into that, right? Okay, so Beck and Ro did. Twice. But it’s different for them. There were extenuating circumstances. Both times. Missing someone isn’t a good enough reason to move in with them. “Because it’s like way too soon for all that, right? That’s insane.”

He shrugs. “Says who?”

“Um, everyone?” What in the world is he not understanding about this?

He chuckles again. “Now, I figure there are things we still need to learn about each other, but I never took you as the type who cares about what ‘everyone’ says.”

“Well… no. But this is different.”

“I don’t think so at all. We love each other, yeah?” He pauses, so I nod. It’s basically what I just said in my own head. “Okay. And we want to be together?” Another pause, another nod. “Cool. So move in with me.”

I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off. “I’m miserable without you. You’re miserable without me. You love my daughter and she loves you. I want you to move in. I hate when you leave too. You’re part of us. You belong here.”

“But what if something goes wrong, and we hate being together?”

He pauses, seeming to consider my words carefully. “I don’t see that happening, but it’s a fair question. The truth is, I don’t know. I can’t imagine a world where I’d hate being with you. You’re everything. I love you so much it feels like my heart might explode. Sure, it may be fast, but that doesn’t make it less real. Not to mention that we’ve been through more together in the short months we’ve known each other than most people go through in years. I’d love for you to be here—sharing this life with me, raising Wren with me, if that’s something you want. Fuck, we can have ten more kids. The details aren’t all that important. I told you already, losing Maya realigned my perspective. You never know what life will bring, darlin’. But if I want this and you want this, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?”

My heart’s pounding so hard in my chest, I’m surprised Julian can’t hear it. I can’t do that, can I? God, I ache to, though. I hate leaving them and being gone for days. It fucks my entire week up. It’s literally theworst. I can’t sleep. I can barely focus. Being in love is so fucked up. The thought of not having to leave anymore? Making breakfast with Wren? Having Julian next to me every night? Getting to be a part of her bedtime process in person instead of hearing it through the phone? Yes. Fuck yes.All the yes. I find myself nodding. “Okay, yeah. I want to move in.”

Julian pulls me toward him, crushing me against his body with a relieved sort of happy sound. I sink into his warmth, soaking it in, and letting it fill all the holes and cracks the last four days added to my soul. My stomach flips in nervous anticipation. Holy shit. I’ve never lived with someone before. Not like this. My parents and Ro. Well, and Beck too, of course. “Holy shit,” I say out loud.

Julian laughs, happy and carefree, the sound rumbling against my chest. “You’re off the next three days, right? We’ll get with Beck and Roman and see if they can help us move you in. Does that work for you?”

Beck and Ro.Oh, fuck.What are they going to think about this? Surely they aren’t going to be mad, right? A strange ache forms in my stomach. I haven’t spent a day without seeing Ro at least once in over ten years. “I’m going to miss Ro,” I whisper.

Julian draws back, creating enough space between us that he can look at me. “We don’t have to do this, darlin’. If you’re not ready, that’s fine. I can come stay with you more oft—”

I cut him off with a kiss. His hands slide up my back and into my hair. This feels like oxygen. Like it’s necessary. Like it’s a big part of my reason for living. When Julian’s tongue finds its way into my mouth, a whimper falls from my throat. His fingers tighten and he uses his grip to gently turn my head, further deepening the kiss. By the time he pulls back, I’m breathless. “No. I don’t need more time. It’s been way too long since you’ve kissed me like that,” I murmur.

His pupils are blown wide, a slight flush on his cheeks. “Yeah, it has. Good thing pretty soon I’ll be able to kiss you like that every day.”

My heart skips a beat as my stomach flips. Oh shit. I’m really going to move in with Julian. “Are you worried about what Wrenwill think?” I don’t want to ask. Like the last time I questioned him about Wren, I’m overcome with fear that he will change his mind.

He shakes my head. “No, darlin’. I never worry about Wren with you.” He leans in, gently nuzzling me with his nose. “You’re great with her. I couldn’t ask for a better person to be a part of our lives.”

I hum, taking in his gentle touches. “Did you mean it about having more kids?”

“Of course. I’d love more kids. You’re going to be such a wonderful dad. You have such a large capacity for love, and you’re so kind and patient.”

Tears prick my eyes. I hope so. All I’ve ever wanted is to have my own family. Where my children would know that they’d have endless love and support, never having to question themselves over who they love, never have to deal with losing their family and being on the streets. “Not sure about ten, though.”

Julian chuckles. “Yeah, I’m with you on that. I was being dramatic.”

I sigh. “Okay. Thank you for… well, everything really.”

Julian shakes his head. “No, darlin’. Thankyoufor everything.”

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