Page 94 of Breaking You Open

Sam’s shoulders slump. “See? I’m sorry. It’s just temporary, anyway. After I’m done with school and get a job, I’ll buy you a real one. If you want to, of course.”

At a loss for words, I stare at the ring with a smile on my lips.

“Louis?” Sam says.

“Yes.”

He stands in front of me and takes my hands in his. “Will you marry me?”

I sweep him up in my arms, and he giggles helplessly as his feet lift from the ground.

“Of course I’ll marry you,” I say, and I kiss his lovely lips, warming them up with my own.

“Were you going to cry just now?”

“What?” I choke out. “No.”

“It’s okay. No one will see; they’re all busy with the countdown. You can cry, Louis. I’m here.”

“Fuck,” I mumble into the crook of his neck, and the most satisfying, chest-heaving sob spills out of me. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too,” he whispers into my hair.

I clutch him tight, wetting his jacket with my tears. Fuck, how am I going to face the others in this state? How am I going to be able to work for the rest of the night? These red-rimmed eyes won’t intimidate anyone. Not to mention Ravi’s reaction when he finds out.You’re getting married? You’ve known him, what, a couple of months?

I’m sure he’d add that I don’t seem like the type to get married, and yeah, it might be quick, but what does it matter when it feels so right? This is just another way of merging us into one, like sex, or the torture of Aaron, and just like those things, it’s nobody’s business but ours. It’s simple.

My face might say differently, though, with the onslaught of emotions making themselves known. My eyes burn along with the rest of my face, and my arms are shaking as I grab onto Sam as if he’s my lifeline in a storm.

“I’m sorry,” he says, voice muffled and half-choked from my tight embrace. “I was going to wait until you were off duty.”

“It’s okay.”

I can’t berate him for making me feel things. Iwantto feel emotions other than anger, even if they hurt sometimes, and Sam has taught me not to fear them. I need to be strong for him, but at the same time, I can’t be strong all the time, and he makes me feel like it’s okay. He makes me feel likeeverythingis okay—the good and the bad and the horrible things I have done. He accepts the ugliest parts of me. He helps me be a better man.

“Ten … nine … eight … seven … six … five … four … three … two … one! Happy new year!” the crowd shouts, and the sky explodes above us in a million shining colors.

It’s a new year, with new opportunities for me to please my boy and make us the best life we can. We have to stay safe together, and I will keep us so. What we did to Aaron, I’d do a hundred times over; I’ll watch this town burn to ash before I ever see my Sam come to harm again. Every night, I bring him to bed, and every night, I enjoy his body in the gentle but firm way it’s meant to be enjoyed. He’s too beautiful to be real—too beautiful to be mine—but I’m starting to believe in the beautiful parts of life, and that the bitter parts are there to enhance the sweetness on my tongue.

As our lips meet and he swallows another sob from my throat, I hope we can find the broken parts within ourselves along with our wishes for a better future, clutch them to our chests, and bring them back home.

THE END

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