Page 90 of Breaking You Open

“Do you need anything?” I trudge further into the room, uncertain as to what exactly I’m supposed to do. “Water?”

“No, that’s not why I called you.” She pats the side of the bed. “Come here. Let’s watch a movie or something.”

I take off my shoes and jacket and sit on the bed next to her, and she opens a laptop over the covers.

“Why didn’t you call Asher?” I ask—a fair question, I think, but Lilith shoots me a thunderous glare.

“That asshole fucking cheated on me. Made out with a girl at a party last weekend.”

“With who?”

“Hell if I know! Some bitch from his class. Savannah told me.”

“Well, have you talked to him about it?”

She shakes her head.

“In that case…How can you be so sure Savannah was telling the truth? It could all just be a misunderstanding.”

Lilith tilts her head. “You’re sweet, you know. But vengeance can be pretty sweet too.”

“Vengeance?”

I know the sweetness of vengeance better than anyone. I’ve felt its syrupy taste on my tongue; I’ve heard its cries like music in my ears. And I don’t think I’m quite as sweet as Lilith seems to think.

“If you won’t talk to him, what are you going to do?” I ask. “Break up with him?” If they break up, maybe she’ll lay off the drugs, at least.

She stares darkly into space. “We’ll see.”

She looks ominous enough that I want to pry for more, but even if I did, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t tell me.

“Anyway.” She perks up and sits up straighter. “Any recent run-ins with your psycho ex?”

I can’t tell her the truth; if I give her the slightest hint of there being more to the story, she won’t rest until she’s wrung me dry.

“Not really.” Lying comes more easily than it used to. I even manage a careless shrug as I add, “I guess he must have left town.”

That last part isn’t exactly a lie; once he’s healed up, I’m sure he will.

“Hm.” Lilith bores her gaze into mine for a moment before she sighs and leans back. “Lucky you. Anyway, what are we watching?” She scrolls through a streaming app and settles onFinding Nemo. As the intro plays, she cuddles up to me under the covers. “I might cry, but if you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

Her voice is so flat that I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not. That’s just the thing with Lilith; she treats me all right when it suits her, but for the most part, I’m nothing but a source of amusement and ridicule for her. I’m “so fucking weird” and “lucky I’m cute.” She’s barely better than my high school bullies. When I first got to know her a few months ago, I thought nothing of it because people always treated me in similar ways or even worse. But being with Louis has been another experience entirely. Louis isn’t hot and cold with me like this, except when he’s scared and insecure.

Lilith isn’t scared; she’s just mean.

I wanted to be her friend once upon a time. Once upon a time, I admired her, wanted to be like her. But just because she doesn’t see me as dirt under her boot doesn’t mean she deserves my time and trust. It doesn’t mean she deserves to be my friend.

Maybe she doesn’t know how to treat people differently. Maybe she doesn’t mean to be hurtful. But that doesn’t matter.

The credits roll, and Lilith falls asleep. Before I fall asleep next to her, I text Louis that I’m staying the night and that everything is fine.

When I wake up in the morning, Lilith is sitting by her makeup station, applying foundation.

She sends me a glance over her shoulder. “I’m just trying to make myself feel better, okay? Don’t judge.”

“I’m not.” I stretch and let out a big yawn. “I think I should go. Will you be okay?”

If she’s feeling well enough to put on makeup, I figure she doesn’t need my help anymore, and I’m eager to return home to Louis.

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