Page 88 of Breaking You Open

“That’s all?”

“No, that’s not all. He broke up with me because I hit him.”

My eyes widen. “Like … on purpose?”

“Yes.” Louis rubs his hand across his face, scowling. “No. Yesandno. He’d been flirting with other guys all night. We got home drunk, and he started rubbing it in, and I…I snapped. I hit him. And the look in his eyes…” Louis shakes his head. “I’ve never seen anyone I loved look that distraught or that afraid of me. But last night, it happened again.”

I look down in my lap, fidgeting with my thumbs.

“You told me I hurt you,” Louis says. “Can I see?” He gestures for me to lift my shirt, and I do. Hunching closer to me, he inspects my upper arms, where bruises have started to form from when he gripped me so hard I couldn’t get away.

“Sparrow, I…” His breath catches in his throat. “I never meant to do this to you. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Justin either; I was just so…angry, and sometimes I can’t control that anger. My enforcing gigs help because they allow me to let that anger out on people who deserve it. But Justin didn’t deserve it,youdidn’t deserve it, and there’s no excuse for what I did. I’m so sorry.” He hangs his head and looks at his hands—his beautiful, huge, callused hands. “My father used to beat my mom. I watched it happen, yet I did nothing. I didn’t save her, and when she died, I didn’t even avenge her.” His voice breaks, and he hides his face in his hands.

I cover his hands with mine and gently pry them away. “You avenged me. You avenged me, Louis.”

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and when he speaks, his voice is steady and determined. “We both did.”

He’s right. When I think of Aaron now, I don’t see his cruel smiles or feel his body hurting mine. Instead, I hear his screams of terror; I see his dripping blood. The box on the coffee table will serve as a constant reminder, as will the man by my side.

No one will dare hurt me as long as I’m with him, and now I know what he’ll do to anyone who tries. He may be a violent man, but his violence is meant to protect those who need to be protected, and I see the same understanding in his eyes.

He can rest easy now, knowing he did what he could for me—that he helped me, that he avenged me—and even if he’ll still go to hell if there is one, I’ll go right down with him.

He sucks in a breath. “About what you said, about Nathan Antler, he…He didn’t deserve me taking advantage of him like that, and I was stupid and selfish for doing what I did. I’m sorry.”

“You should tellhimall this.”

Louis gives a dissatisfied snort. “I guess I should. I didn’t even mean what I said to you last night, I was just…”

“I know.” The fault lies partly on me, I suppose; I overestimated Louis’s thoughtfulness about consent, but I was just so desperate to believe he was a perfect human being. Perfect for me. And he still is; he’s just…flawed.

“I’m supposed to be the older one,” he says. “How come you’re so wise?”

“Maybe I’m not wise,” I say playfully. “Maybe it’s you who’s a little bit dumb.”

His eyes widen. “What did you just say to me?”

“Just that you’re a little slow, you know,” I say with a shrug. “Slow to get things.”

He bunches up my hair in one hand and grips it tight. “I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to, boy.”

“I’m talking to you, Louis,” I say breathily, head tipped back and eyes half-lidded. “My Louis.”

“Yours, huh?” He sweeps his hand to my jaw and puts two knuckles under my chin, tilting my face up.

“I had to practically beg you to fuck me that first time, remember?”

“I remember,” he says with that wolfish grin of his.

“And you told me to leave you yesterday, and that was pretty dumb if you ask me.” I turn my face and kiss his open palm. “We could have just talked about it like we’re doing right now.”

“Well…” Louis clenches his jaw and looks away. “I was ashamed. And I was scared.”

“I know. I was too.”

“Does this mean you’re not anymore? Scared?”

“I don’t know.”

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