Page 68 of Breaking You Open

She spins to me, and her face breaks into a smile, lips painted pitch black. In the multicolored lighting, she looks even more intense than usual.

“Sparrow! What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m with Louis.” I point to where Louis is standing with a grim expression and crossed arms, keeping a watchful eye for any disturbances.

“God, I can’t believe this!” Lilith exclaims as if she didn’t even hear me. On closer inspection, her eyes are alight with something other than alcohol, and she’s got a dreamy look on her face as she sways to the music. “I feel so fucking good like you wouldn’t believe. Asher gave me some E—want to try it?”

I wouldn’t mind feeling as carefree as Lilith does right now, but at the same time, I don’t want to jeopardize Louis’s trust in me. He told me not to get drunk, and getting high is just as bad, right?

“No, I’m okay.”

Lilith digs a packet of Marlboros out of the cleavage of her tight black dress. “Let’s go have a smoke.” She grabs my upper arm and drags me toward a secluded spot in the shadows behind the building.

“Wow,” I say, breathless.

You can see the whole town from here—thousands of streetlights far below.

“Nice, right?” Lilith hands me a cigarette, and I take it. “I’ve missed you,” she says as she puffs out a cloud of smoke, the traces of her painted lips sticking to the filter.

“Where have you been?” I ask.

“Sick.” For a split second, a shadow passes over her face, but it’s soon gone with the way her mouth seems to curl perpetually upward.

I study the cigarette uncertainly. Louis doesn’t want me doing drugs, but regular cigarettes aren’t that bad, right?

“Oh, you’ve never smoked before?” Lilith snatches the cigarette from me, puts the end in my mouth, and holds up the lighter. “Here, I’ll help you.” The flame flicks in front of my eyes, illuminating her face and furthering my sense of unreality. “Now suck,” she says with a twinkle in her eyes. “You’ve done that before, haven’t you?”

I inhale, and thick, stinging smoke fills my mouth. Immediately, my throat seizes up, and I break into a coughing fit.

Lilith giggles. “Just try to relax, okay? Breathe in deep and hold it in for a bit.” She sucks on her own cigarette, putting a hand on her chest. “Then let it out. Like this.” A cloud of smoke shoots from her mouth.

I try to do as she showed me. The smoke enters my lungs this time, and when I exhale, I feel funny a few seconds later. Floaty and a little dizzy.

“So how are things with Louis?” Lilith asks. “You’re fucking insane for moving in with him, you know that, right? I can’t even fathom moving in with Asher.”

“It’s been good.”Goodis an understatement. Except for the break-in, it’s been amazing.

“Bet you like him a lot,” she says with a wink. “He’s pretty hot, I’ll admit it.”

I glance Louis’s way and spot another guy I vaguely recognize: Asher, Lilith’s boyfriend. He trots over to Lilith and wraps his arms around her waist. She slots the cigarette between his lips, and he takes it, inhaling deeply. His cherublike appearance seems out of place in a run-down atmosphere like this. Just like Lilith, he’s shaking with the cold or excitement or something else entirely, and his pretty, boyish face is covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“Who’s the kid?” he asks.

Lilith giggles. “Don’t you remember? This is Sparrow. Sparrow, like the bird, you know.”

“Hi, Sparrow,” Asher says distractedly and turns to the dance floor. He’s got a blue glow stick around his throat in the form of a choker, and two more dangling from his belt along with a few chains. “Babe, let’s keep dancing. This song is fucking fire.”

Lilith tosses her cigarette to the ground. “Coming! See you later, Sparrow.” With that, she hurries Asher’s way, and I hear them yelling at each other. “This is so much fun, babe. Feels so good.”

“Is it better than the other stuff?” Asher asks.

She pauses, and then they both break into wicked fits of laughter. “No way!”

Closely entangled, they wander off to the dance floor, leaving me alone with my cigarette. The smoke tastes weird and kind of like poison. I don’t like it, but since it’s the only semblance of company I have left, I keep smoking.

Of course Lilith would rather hang out with her boyfriend. Of course I’m not interesting enough to keep her attention for long. I should be used to being overlooked and abandoned, and the only two people who have ever treated me otherwise are—

“What’s this?” a voice says next to me.

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