Page 42 of Breaking You Open

“For you? The landlord throw you out or what?”

“No. For him.”

“Oh.” Maurice snorts. “Why though? The kid seemed happy enough about you living together. You both did.” He gestures to the back room with a grin.

“Happy has nothing to do with it.”

Well, technically it does. In order to preserve Sparrow’s happiness, I have to let him go. I need to leave him to someone or somewhere that can take care of him better than I can. Besides that, we’re incompatible; Sparrow’s heart is wide open, while mine is long shut. We can’t be together. Two broken people are a bad combination, and I need to gain control of this—I need to end it before something bad happens. Before I hurt him. Before I do to him what I did to Justin. I wouldn’t be able to stand myself if I did.

The truth is a paradox, but it’s a truth nonetheless: I care about Sparrow, and that’s why I have to let him go. I can’t trust myself with him—not with his body and even less with his heart. I can’t be the one to heal him, and I can’t be the one to break him further either.

I set the whiskey down, get hold of my phone, and call Ravi’s number with a heavy heart.

Chapter 13

Sparrow

I don’t know howlong I’m frozen in place after Louis’s hasty exit. Five minutes? Ten? An hour? Doesn’t matter. All that matters is something went wrong—somethingIdid—and now Louis is gone.

I could go out there and try to find him and make him explain, but in this state—when I’m feeling like all my insides are raw and quivering—I can’t stand to be around people.

I wash up and pull on a T-shirt and sweatpants before I sit on the couch, head buried between my knees. Eyes closed, I try to block out the world and the churning state of my heart. Not even a nature documentary would help me now. Nothing would, except for Louis coming back home and fuckingtalkingto me. He can’t do this; it’s not fair, and I…and I…

I sob out a broken breath and wipe my tears angrily on my sleeve. I did exactly what Lilith told me to do, and she’s supposed to know what men like, so the issue has to be me. Like always. I’m getting tired of trying and constantly failing. I’m tired of everything.

I stay like this for a while, winding myself up into a panic with my racing thoughts, and just when I’m starting to get properly short of breath, the doorbell rings. It’s not Louis; Louis would just walk right in. Then who?

I look through the keyhole with a pounding heart.

It’s Ravi.

I crack the door open. Before he has time to open his mouth, I warn, “Louis isn’t here.”

“Oh, I know,” he says, something stiff in his usually carefree expression.

I open the door fully. “What’s wrong? Where’s Louis?”

“We’re going to go meet him.”

Ravi points to his car, and I put on my shoes and follow him, my worried heart making me ramble.

“What’s going on? Has something happened? Where are we going? Where’s Louis? At Moe’s? Did his shift start?”

“You’ll see,” Ravi mutters.

He’s oddly silent as we roll down the street. We pass downtown and Moe’s Den and end up in the outskirts of the city, where the roads are rougher and the houses sparser. The car bounces over an abandoned railway and finally stops outside what looks like a motel. The red-and-blue neon sign says “The Outpost.”

“What are we doing here?” I ask warily.

I don’t know if my worry decreases or increases when I see Louis’s bike in the parking lot, but I can’t help my relief when the man himself walks out of the motel.

“Louis!” I jump out of the car and run to greet him, but his expression stops me in my tracks. His eyes are dark, his mouth downturned, and even though I’m right in front of him, he’s barely looking at me.

“Welcome to your new home, kid,” he says, gesturing to the motel.

“W-What?” I stutter, the world crumbling under my feet. I feel dizzy and sick. This is some sort of joke, right? It must be. He can’t be serious.

“I told you; you living me with me was just temporary. You’ll be fine out here—better than fine, and you’ll be safe. Ravi said he’ll drive you to school and back.”

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