Page 31 of Flock Around and Find Out

The wind rustled through the fronds of the palm trees, and it reminded me of how it had always amazed me when those long trunks would bend at the hard gusts. Palm trees were planted everywhere in this area, and it never seemed possible for them to withstand such force, but they did, year after year, no matter how little sense it made.

“How mad are you?” my mom asked.

“Medium.”

“Well, I think I can handle medium. Still, thank you, I’m glad we did this.”

I twisted to look at her. “Why did you, really? I mean, I know what you said, but seriously, what did you think you were going to get out of this?”

She released a soft breath and played with the tie at the end of her braid. “I’m not getting any younger, Grey. Your siblings, they have families, spouses. I know they won’t be alone after I’m gone, but you? I haven’t met any significant others of yours and I just kept picturing you all alone.”

I could almost imagine what she’d thought, the pathetic sight of me all alone at a table for Thanksgiving, a microwave dinner in front of me.

Joke was on her—that sounded like a fantastic night to me!

“Well, I’m sorry to worry you so much.”

“I’m not worried anymore.”

“No?” I thought back to the night, to the clusterfuck it had been, and wasn’t sure exactly who had won her over. I didn’t think any of them were reallybring home to your mothersort of men.

She shook her head. “Clearly, you have people who are willing to show up for you. I was afraid you were alone, but I saw tonight that you aren’t, not at all. It makes me feel better to know that even if you don’t like to mix your worlds together, that you might not always want to bring your friends around, I’m just happy to know you have them. You could tell they all care for you—I mean, they were willing to drop everything to come to a party thrown by your mother out of the blue. Even with your boss, it was obvious just how much he cares about you.” She smiled softly, more to herself than me, I suspected.

Had she really been that worried about me?

It was funny, since part of the reason I’d tried to be so secretive about my life was to protect her, to keep her from worrying. If she knew what I really did, what my life was really like, I doubted she’d be too happy about any of it. No one slept well at night knowing about all the bullshit I got up to.

Not even me.

But here I found out it had all been in vain, since she’d worried anyway. Maybe mothers always did, though. I wasn’t a mom, didn’t plan on becoming one—didn’t know if it was even possible anymore—so just how was I supposed to know what was normal for one?

“Yeah, I guess they’re good friends,” I said.

“Just friends?”

“Whoa, now, let’s settle down. This isn’t the sort of talk to have with my mother. I’m not fifteen anymore with my first crush.”

“Your first crush was well before fifteen, young lady. Don’t think I don’t know what.”

“Ah, Ryan.” I smirked as I thought back at the cute little boy I’d fallen for when I was seven and he’d been ten. He hadn’t liked me, of course, but I’d been smitten and followed him around all summer, determined to win him over.

“Tell me the truth about them, won’t you?” she prodded gently.

She always got me like that, with the soft questions I found it impossible to ignore or deny.

“I don’t know. They’re just friends for now, I think.”

“All of them?”

“Is that weird?” I nibbled at my bottom lip, preparing myself for the worst.

For her to call me a whore, to kick me out, to label me as a pervert who didn’t get to come to dinners anymore.

It was a stupid fear, really. When had my mom ever turned her back on me like that? Still, knowing that she was disappointed would’ve hurt, even if she wasn’t about to kick me out.

Some part of me still wanted to be her little girl, for her to see me as someone who could do no wrong. I guess we never really outgrew the feeling of wanting our mom’s approval.

“Honey, you should know me well enough not to worry about something like that. If you date no one, if you date a hundred people, so long as you’re all honest and they treat you well, I really don’t care a bit.” She paused, then chuckled. “Plus, the idea of a single partner tough enough to put up with a hundred percent of your craziness is a terrifying thought. I probably should have seen this coming.”

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