Page 21 of Flock Around and Find Out

Fuck.Was that love?

I dropped my gaze, unwilling to admit or deny the allegation, unsure of the answer myself. “Just tell me what you know,” I said.

“What I know is that this has happened before and it’ll happen again. It’s the natural life cycle of Spirits. Clans come into existence and they disappear. There’s no reason to fight against it—you won’t win.”

“So it’sneverbeen stopped before?”

He shifted in his seat, his expression telling despite his smile. It seemed I’d gotten to know him well enough to read even his subtle changes. “It has, but always at a cost most regret paying. And it’s failed far more than it’s ever succeeded.”

And that wasexactlywhat I needed. Just a little hope, just a little direction, anything to give me a push of what I needed to do. “How did they do it?”

He shook his head. “I’m not about to tell you that. You get into trouble all on your own, but don’t think that means I’m going to just hand you to loaded gun so you can shoot yourself with it. Drop this one, Little Crow, it isn’t worth it.”

“You don’t get to decide if it’s worth it or not.”

“Of course I do, since I’m the one with the information. This is a suicide mission and I won’t let it go, won’t just accept that you’re going to do it. I worry that I’ve spoiled you too much over the years, that I’ve given you too much leash. I’ve had to watch you strangle yourself more than enough already.”

Was he…mad? It was a strange sight, something I rarely saw from him. He seemed as though he didn’t care about anything, yet cracks had been forming in that façade for a while, tiny glimpses that implied he might feel more than he let on.

“I understand you’re worried,” I told him, trying to appeal to his logical side—if he had one. “I get that you don’t think it’s a good idea, but I still have to do this. I still have to try. You helped me at my trial, right? You showed up there and even if you haven’t told me everything, I’m pretty sure you’ve been paying the price for that.”

“You have no idea the price I’ve been paying forthatlittle stunt.”

“Then you should understand why I have to do this. Sometimes it’s worth it to do something foolish, to help even if it makes no sense, even if it’s risky. Some people are worth doing that for.”

He let out a rather dramatic sigh more suited for a teenage girl than a grown ass man—or whatever he was. “You know, you really are a challenge. You test me constantly. I’m not going to give you permission—not like you’d care if I did or not. In fact, Istillthink this is a bad idea, but until you recognize that for yourself, you’ll never believe me. So, I’m going to suggest you go talk to that serious Justice you know, the one who was at the trial.”

“Ruben?”

“Maybe? I don’t care about his name. He’s a Justice, so ask him for access to the old archives and look up a book titled—” Knot tapped his finger against his bottom lip as though deep in thought. It made me wonder just how many years of memories were locked up in his head, were hidden there. How much did he have to sort through?

Just whatwashe?

He nodded as though he’d just worked it out. “It’s a yellow book. I don’t remember the name, but it’s on the top of the far left, next to a book bound with human skin.”

“Skin?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t touch that one if I were you. Even tanned human skin holds some nasty things on it.”

I wasn’t sure whether I should believe him or not—he tended to like to make jokes, after all. “And what will I find in that book?”

“A history that will explain why what you want to do isn’t possible. If anything can make you realize that you have no chance, I’m hoping that does.” He set his fork down and stared straight at me, the look giving me time to really notice his face.

It was strange how people became important to us, how they went from strangers to being a part of us, to being something we couldn’t lose, something that we recognized anywhere.

Knot was one of those people to me. It was crazy given how things had gone for me over my lifetime to think I had people I could rely on, people who had my back. No matter what kept happening—and fuck knew it was a lot—I had people who didn’t turn away from me no matter what.

It was priceless, really, and as fucking weird as he was, Knot was likely one of the best examples.

“Look at me like that and I’ll blush,” he said, though his words didn’t show any actual embarrassment.

“Thank you. I know I don’t say it much, that I’m more likely to curse at you than anything else, but thank you for making me into this, for staying with me through it all.”

He lifted one of his eyebrows. “Getting the book isn’tthatdangerous. No need to give farewell thank-yous. Besides, is it even a thank-you if it doesn’t come with a gift?”

“I’m not really here. How am I supposed to give you a gift?”

“Excuses, excuses.Fivebirthdays have passed and not one birthday gift!”

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