Page 26 of Wings of Cruelty and Flame

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry.”

“Did you mean to swear?” she asked, a strange blend of kindness and humour in her voice. Or maybe the humour was a kindness, too.

I groaned. “No. Pretend I didn’t.”

She squeezed my hands again, her eyes on my face, measuring. “It would only make you a monster if you felt no remorse. And I can see with a single look in your eyes that you feel nothingbutremorse. So talk to your husband.” She paused. “Oh, that’s so strange. My son as a husband. I know he’s fully grown, but he still seems like a baby to me.”

I was so confused by her blasé reaction to my confession. And she was stilltouchingme. “I think all mothers feel that way about their sons.”

“No, he’s truly a baby. He refuses to eat any vegetables in lamb tagine and he’s hopeless at tying knots.”

I snorted, the dark cloud lightening over my heart. My head still pounded, but with every moment Rawiya sat opposite me, I was beginning to suspect she wouldn’t run screaming from me or cast me out of the house into the streets.

“But don’t tell him I told you that,” Rawiya added, brown eyes sparkling as she let go of my hands and rose from her chair.

“I’d never dream of it.” I would tease him about it endlessly.

“You can come to prayer with me,” she offered, washing her cup with quick, efficient motions. “I’ll introduce you to the best women in the Red Star. None of the cruel hags or the giggly teenagers. Well, Hiba is prone to fits of giggles and she’s fifty-five, but she makes the best coconut fudge cakes in the city, so we allow it.”

I smiled, ignoring the way my stomach tangled at the thought of meeting more people.This meeting was fine,I reminded myself. Better than fine. Miraculous. Rawiya seemed happy to have me as her daughter-in-law. Me, the killer, the monster who carried death with her.

I was about to speak when Varidian burst into the room, dressed in a stern black kaftan and black leather trousers with crimson stitching. Marrakchi colours, not Saber colours. Leather braces were buckled over his shoulders and forearms.

“I don’t know where you think you’re going, but you can think again,” Rawiya said in a firm voice. She pointed a stern finger at him before she scooped up my coffee cup and cleaned that, too. As if the man wasn’t thirty-nine years old. I smothered a smile.

“A missive arrived from the Wall of Hydaran,” he said, crossing the cluttered kitchen—to me, I realised with surprise. He wrapped both arms around me from behind and gifted a kiss to the top of my head. I went warm all over—my face, my body, and deep down in my soul.

Oh, I could get used to this easy show of affection. That was more dangerous than any magic.

“I bet it did,” Rawiya agreed in the same tone. “But still no. You just gotmarried,Varidian.”

“I know,” he agreed against the top of my head, stirring my fine hairs. He sounded to be smiling. “But a border village is under attack and it sounds dire. They have a single gentry and an ageing wyvern to defend them. It’s an easy slaughter, ummi. They don’t stand a chance.”

She gave him a flat look, pointing a wooden spoon at her son. “Married. Yesterday.”

I tried to hide my emotions as my stomach sank. He was so eager to ride off without me less than twenty-four hours after our celebration. So much for my hidden thoughts of seducing him into consummating our marriage.

He kissed the top of my head again, lingering. “I’ll make it up to you, Ameirah. There’s a flower market at Wyfell; I’ll buy their whole stock on the way back.”

Great. Pity flowers.

Rawiya scoffed, deep and throaty. “Wives don’t want a stall’s worth of flowers, they wanttime,Varidian. Care and effort and appreciation. Riding off the day after your wedding is a mistake.”

“People will die,” he said gravely. “Hundreds.”

Rawiya sighed, her sternness fading. “And I raised you with too good a heart to ignore people in need.” She shook her head. “It’s not my approval you need. Make him suffer,” she whispered to me, like Varidian wasn’t right behind me.

I laughed, but it didn’t dispel the tight bundle of hurt in my chest. Oh, this was worse than annoyance—I washurthe was riding off without me. I was hurt he’d leave me behind. Which was a stupid, selfish way to feel when hundreds of people would die if he stayedandI’d barely known the man a day ago.

“If you ask me to stay, I’ll stay,” Varidian said, letting go of me to take a seat beside me. His honeyed eyes were soft and sad, haunted by all the lives that would be lost. Or rathertakenby the armoured tigers and their Kaldic riders.

“You can’t stay,” I sighed, knotting my fingers together. “Those people need you too much.”

His lips pressed to my forehead in a long kiss that only made his impending absence worse. “I’ll make it up to you,” he repeated. “I’ll spend the whole month with you when I’m back.”

He was the commander of a wyvern legion; he couldn’t promise that. But I appreciated the sentiment. It didn’t make me feel any less unwanted, but it was a nice thought.

“How long will you be gone?”

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