Page 92 of No More Spies

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter because when I tellyou what I did, I assure you there won’t be a lot of grace.”

He dropped her hand. A cold suspicion snaked up his spine.She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do this to him. She would know how important it wasfor Zach to be secure and ready for questioning. “Where is Zach?”

“Probably on his way out of the country,” she admitted witha deep resignation in her tone. “He’s looking for Huisman, but also for hismother. I’ve already typed up the reports. It’s everything I can remember fromthe conversation we had, including the fact that he’s promised to contact meagain when he can and he’s worried about Devi.”

She let the fucker go? Maybe he was being hasty. “Did hehurt you?”

Her head shook. “No. He didn’t hurt me or threaten me in anyway. If you’re looking for some way to make this not my call, you won’t findit. I could have easily gotten Joyce and forced Zach to come with me. Iprobably could have taken them both, but I chose not to.”

“You chose.”

“Yes,” she replied simply. “That’s what the job is. Choices.I think we have a better chance of getting to Huisman if Zach is out there.He’s got connections we don’t, and I believe him when he says he’ll come inwhen he can.”

“Why the hell would you believe him?” The question came outon a harsh rasp.

“Because he loves you,” she said with a sigh that felt likeresignation. “Because he wants to get to know his brother. Because I think hetruly cares about Devi.”

He huffed at the irony. “Now you believe in love. When it’sconvenient for you.”

“I never said I didn’t believe, Coop,” she argued. “Trustme, I do, and I do not in any way think it’s convenient. I simply don’t thinkthere’s any for me.”

How quickly she forgot. “I loved you.”

She was silent for a moment, staring at him with solemneyes, and he realized his mistake.

He couldn’t seem to stop making them today. “I love you, butyou have to understand why I’m upset. You knew I would want Zach brought in.You let that fucker take me down and then what? You sat down and had a sandwichwith him over my drugged body?”

“It was a beer,” she corrected.

Well, of course it was. His girlfriend. Sipping beer overhis unconscious body.

“I made sure you had a pillow,” she offered and sighed whenthe silence lengthened between them. “What did you want me to do? Should I havekilled Zach? Taken out Joyce? I made sure you were okay and then I calmly didwhat I had to do. I didn’t fall to my knees and scream. I am what I am, andit’s never going to be what you need. I’ve known it for a long time, babe. Ilove you, too, but I don’t think my love is ever going to be enough for you. Idon’t think I can love enough for anyone. It’s not your fault. It’s all me. Idon’t have anyone to blame. I was born this way. Kenz got all the gentleness.Sometimes I wish you fell in love with her and she loved you because at leastthen I would know you were happy.”

She kissed his cheek and turned and walked out of the room.

He felt his fists clench at the irony. Now she told him?Now? When she’d utterly betrayed him? Now she used the words he’d longed tohear.

He felt like she’d kicked him in the gut. There was a partof him that wanted to chase after her, to force her to fight with him.

He was too dramatic? He loved her. Of course he was going tolose his shit when he thought she was dead. The fact that she wouldn’t meant…What did it mean? Did she have to love him the exact way he loved her? Wouldher quiet mourning mean less than his histrionic one?

What the fuck was he doing? He needed to chill this thingout. His father was right, and he was behaving in an overly emotional fashion.

Wasn’t this exactly what his mother had warned him about?That he would try to mold her into something she wasn’t. That he’d decided heloved her a very long time before, and he’d been chasing her ever since withouttruly knowing who she was and accepting her.

Accepting Kala meant embracing all of her, including theparts that sometimes felt remote. She wasn’t. She often seemed standoffish whenshe was thinking, but she didn’t want to be alone. Well, she did, but sherarely didn’t want him around. He was the one who could soothe her. What did heget in return?

He got a part of her absolutely no one else got. He got hersoftness.

His heart clenched. She was more fragile than anyonethought. She hid it, and she would never complain, never treat him like shiteven when he’d done the same to her.

A laugh huffed from his chest. Nope. His girl would keep itall inside. She would show her love in different ways, including protecting himlike he was something precious. Even when they weren’t together.

She was exactly the woman who would see her boyfriend gethis dumb ass tranqed because he couldn’t keep his shit together in apotentially dangerous situation, put a pillow under his head, probably kiss himon the forehead and then sit down and get the damn job done.

If it had been him being carried out by someone, she wouldhave died inside but not given up the op. She would have sat by his bedside andheld his hand—unless she needed to stab someone.

She was never going to be some swoony, romantic heroine whoneeded him to save her from the bad guy.

---