Page 91 of No More Spies

“It does. It has to. And you always knew that about me. Didyou think you could change me?”

“I don’t want to change you.” He didn’t. He just… He wasn’teven sure what he wanted at this point except to have her fucking hold him.Which was stupid.

“You do,” she said with the saddest look on her face. Shemoved now, approaching him. She moved into his space, and her hands came up,cupping his cheeks. “I know this thing has been between us for a very longtime, but this is the reality, and it didn’t take long to break us. I know it’smy fault. I don’t behave the way I should.”

Damn, but she could break his heart. “I don’t want you tochange, Kala, but can I have an emotion, too?”

Her lips curled up slightly, and she was looking at him likeshe was studying for a test to be held later. Or memorizing him. “You have allthe emotions, babe. You are a fully functional human. And for some reason, I’mnot, and I don’t think that’s going to change. We’re always going to end upback here, you and I. If you can’t trust me when all logic says I didn’t betrayyou, how will you handle it when the logic goes against me?”

He sighed, his hands going to her hips. At least she wastouching him. “I didn’t honestly think you had anything to do with theadoption. Obviously.”

“But you thought I might have known something and didn’ttell you. You definitely thought my dad knew,” she pointed out. “If he knowssomething, I usually do. Mostly because I’m very nosy.”

He needed to calm down. “I don’t blame you.”

“But you did, and deep down there’s still a little bit ofyou wondering if I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s a good way to throw off Joyce.I couldn’t have known Zach would show up. Or maybe I did, and this was how Ithrew off Zach.”

She didn’t understand. “I don’t think you’re working withZach.”

“Can I hug you?” she asked.

“You can always hug me.” Even when he was so angry hecouldn’t breathe, he wanted her arms around him.

She wrapped him up, laying her head on his shoulder. “You’regoing to be all right. This doesn’t change anything for you. Your parents loveyou.”

“I know.” He was calming down now that she was close. Hecould smell her, feel the warmth of her body against his, and somehow it waseasier to breathe. “I’m sorry I said those things.”

“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered. When she pulled back therewere tears in her eyes. She stepped away, wiping at them. “And I’m sorryabout…all of it, I guess. I don’t mean to be exhausting. But I don’t knowanother way to be. I’m always going to be difficult, and you’re always going todeserve more.”

“What?” He wasn’t sure how they’d gone from her comfortinghim to… “Kala, I apologized. I didn’t mean it.” He hated how red her eyes were.She was the strongest woman he knew, and he’d brought her to this. He reachedout, taking her hand in his. “I’m exhausting, too. Baby, you can’t take everyfight and turn it into a breakup.”

“We’ve had plenty of fights, Coop. This is something else.This is me recognizing that it won’t ever work. Deep down you don’t trust me,and I understand. I’ll always be a spy, and you’ll always wonder if I won’tgive you up for the mission. Hell, I don’t know. Maybe I would. I can beruthless. I’m a Taggart, after all.”

Fuck. She’d taken everything he said literally.

And how did you mean for her to take it, asshole? Youknow how her brain works and you still talked to her like that. Don’t tellyourself you’re the only one putting work in. She’s spent days and days takingcare of you, opening herself up to you physically and emotionally when itscares the shit out of her.

“I love you, baby.” He held her hand. “I had a bad reactionto some freaky news, and I put it on you. It doesn’t mean anything. You said ityourself. It doesn’t change anything.”

“It doesn’t change anything for you,” she replied. “I wastalking about your life. This is a blip on your road, and you get to choose howto process it. You can be grateful you had a mother who wanted to protect you.You can ignore it entirely because you’re happy with your life. Or you can turnit into something it’s not.”

“What is it not?” Cooper asked.

“An offense to you,” Kala replied with quiet certainty.“Everything these people did was with you in mind. You should accept it even ifyou don’t agree with how they went about it. There was no malice here. Not fromyour biological mother. Not from Zach or Joyce. Not from my dad, who did notknow what had happened. And not from me, who just can’t be the woman you needme to be. If I can understand that and not be angry with you, can you do thesame for me?”

“I’m not angry.” He wasn’t angry with her. He wasn’t surehow he felt about the rest of it.

“You were.”

“I’m not now.”

She stared at him for a minute, and then her head shook.“But you will be.”

“Kala, I’m not mad.” He was getting frustrated though, andhe needed to tamp it down. “I was, but now I can see you handled it the bestway you knew how, so let’s forget the rest of it. I think I’ve earned somegrace from you.”

“By putting up with me? Is that what you’re doing? Earningsomething by tolerating how hard I am to live with? Do you know how that makesme feel?”

She was misunderstanding him. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

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