Page 70 of No More Spies

“No. Not at all.” He stroked her hair again and she sighedand laid down, her head on his lap, eyes facing toward the fire. “I know myparents love me. I know they want what’s best for me.”

She snorted. “They definitely want that.”

“And what’s best for me is you,” he said quietly.

Her hand came out to cover his knee in what felt like adeeply possessive gesture. “Your mother would disagree, and you’re a bastardbecause I didn’t want to talk about this.”

He wanted her possessive. She was a Taggart lion, and theydidn’t share the things they loved. He wanted to be something she didn’t share.

“We don’t have to, but I don’t think you understand what shemeans, baby.” He kept up the slow stroking of her hair since he could feel herrelaxing. “Even if we don’t talk about it, I need you to hear me on this. Ilove my mother. She would never ask me to choose. Never. But if on someseparate plane of existence there lives an Eve McKay who would, I would chooseyou. Always.”

Her jaw went tight. “You just told me how much you careabout their opinion.”

“Yes, I do, and you don’t understand her opinion. You alwayshear the words, but you often don’t get the intent behind them, especially whendeep emotion is involved.”

She sat up suddenly, turning to him. “Because I don’t haveemotions.”

He groaned but forged ahead because this was a conversationthey needed to have. “Because you feel so fucking deeply you sometimes struggleto understand what other people feel. Especially if they aren’t perfectly clearin their wording.”

“You make me sound like a weirdo,” she complained but with ahuff that told him she wasn’t mad about it.

“I make you sound like someone who thinks differently,someone who sees the world in a way I can’t comprehend but I’m always in aweof. I am fairly certain my mother worries I won’t be good enough for you.”

She snorted.

“I broke your heart once and you didn’t let me back in fortwelve years, Kala. Twelve years where I felt untethered,” he explained.“Twelve years where I felt like I didn’t know who I was. Where I questioned ifI ruined both our lives with a couple of foolish words and teenagedinsecurities. I worried I wrecked us because I wasn’t as mature as you were. Ihave definitely spent the last twelve years worried that I don’t even know whatI did to you because you won’t talk about it.”

She sighed and moved back to sit against the log. At leastshe was still close, their hips touching. “There’s not a lot to talk about.”

“You were gone for days.”

She was quiet for a moment and then her head tiltedslightly. “I wasn’t tortured, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just hadto listen to that Julia chick go on and on about Kyle. That was gross.”

So she wasn’t going to talk. Damn it. He wasn’t sure theycould move forward until he truly understood what had happened the other night.“Okay. Was it something else? Something that happened in college, maybe? Or onan op?”

He worried about her on ops. Worried about the men shetargeted deciding to take advantage of her. She was the strongest woman heknew, but there was only so much strength could save her from.

“This is one of those times when I wish I was Kenz and Icould give you a cute girl smile and pretend to not understand you. I can doit, you know,” she said quietly. “I can be Kenzie when we’re in the field. Ican lie and be charming. But I can’t with you.”

He let his arm drift over the back of the log so it wasalmost around her shoulders. “I’m glad. I want to be your safe place.”

“I think you’re my weak spot.”

He turned slightly. “I’m not. I’m exactly what I said. I’myour safe place and you’re mine. I feel so bad I made you think I wasn’t for along time. I know in that head of yours what’s happening between us is somekind of meaningless sex thing, but it’s not that way for me.”

Her eyes closed, and she seemed to come to some decision.“It’s not meaningless.”

“Again, I’m glad to hear it.”

She opened them, those clear blue eyes boring into his soul.“But I also don’t think it’s forever. I’m not going to make that mistakeagain.”

“Not a mistake. I was wrong.” He could see the way her handsfisted and knew she was getting emotional. He wanted her that way—if the rightemotion was involved. He was pretty sure she was feeling anxious and for her itcame out as anger, and he didn’t want that between them. “Forget I saidanything, baby. Come here. The solar’s got plenty of charge, and I know you’relistening to an audiobook. Let’s eat some cookies and listen.”

Her brow cocked. “You want to listen to fairies fucking?”

“Sure, why not.” He didn’t care as long as she relaxed. “Youhad to listen to my music the whole flight. Come here. We won’t talk aboutanything but books and the op if you like.”

He held open the blanket he’d placed over his lap.

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