Page 62 of No More Spies

“Fix?” His mother stared at him for a moment. “What abouther are you trying to fix, Coop?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

His mom’s head shook. “But that’s the word you used. Wordsare important. Words can show us how we feel when we’re not willing to admitit. I’m very worried that you think Kala is broken and you can fix her. She isnot broken.”

“Of course she isn’t. I didn’t mean it that way.” It couldbe hard to be the child of a psychologist. They were always looking forsomething deeper. “I meant we have an issue and we can’t address it until Iknow what it is. I can’t know if I’m doing what’s right for her if she won’ttalk to me.”

“And if she’s never comfortable talking the way you’re usedto?” his mother asked. “I’m not saying I think she won’t, but you have to beprepared for the fact that some things are hardwired into a person. Kala is adeeply loving human being, but I don’t think she sees herself in this fashion.”

He was confused. “But why? Look, I know something happenedthat night, but she’s surrounded by a family that supports her. I know herparents got her into therapy after.”

“Therapy only works if you understand why you need it,” hismom explained. “I think it did work to make her more functional and it helpedher find coping mechanisms, but there’s something more. Sometimes we’re bornwith these shadows. Like you when you were a teen. Baby, did your father or Ido anything to make you think we loved you or your brother less than Vivian?”

She knew? How did she know? He’d tried so hard not to talkabout it. “Never.”

Vivi was the miracle child. His mother had been told it washighly unlikely she could ever conceive, so they’d adopted Cooper first andthen Hunter. Right after Hunter’s adoption was finalized, she’d found out aboutVivi. Not once had these wonderful parents treated him differently than thegirl who had their father’s eyes, and everything else made her their mom’s minime.

“And yet there were times when you worried you didn’t belongin our family, that you weren’t enough for us,” she said with flawlessaccuracy. “I know you never confronted us about it, but it was there. We had togive you space and time and hope you worked it out because it wasn’t about us.It was about the voices in your head. Kala inherited all of Ian’s darkness. Allthe things that made him a brilliant operative made it hard for him toexperience true joy. We like to think everyone starts out the same and time andtrauma change us, but it simply isn’t true. Kala sees the world differently,and that also means she sees herself differently.”

“Big Tag is utterly confident.”

“About some things,” his father agreed. “Ian was alwaysconfident when it came to his jobs, but he wasn’t confident when it came tobelieving he deserved all the good things in life. It took Charlotte and awhole lot of therapy to make him see that he self-sabotaged and that what heviewed as anger was actually fear. You’ve only ever known Ian after Charlotte.”

“You can be her Charlotte, but you have to be patient, andyou can’t view her as something you have to fix.” His mom’s jaw firmed, and hewatched her make the decision to say what she said next. “I talked to you thatday because I was worried for her, too. I love Kala. We’re not supposed to havefavorites, but of all the kids who grew up with mine, she’s it for me. Evenwhen she thinks I’m uptight and too intellectual. I worried that you wanted alife she’s never going to be able to live. She’s not ever going to be yoursweetly submissive wife who says all the right things and supports yourcareer.”

What was she thinking? “I never…”

His father’s head shook. “You wanted to be the fuckinghomecoming king, buddy. Do you think I don’t remember the whole family helpingyou campaign? You wanted to be the most popular kid at school. Don’t try todeny it. You might have told yourself it was because you needed to be the bestfor us, but it was about you. It was about the voice in your head that said ifyou didn’t have a crown on, you weren’t special enough.”

“Your father isn’t saying this because he thinks less ofyou,” his mother began.

Cooper had been around long enough to know what his motherwas going to say next. “If I don’t acknowledge the problem, I can’t avoidrepeating the behavior that got us in trouble in the first place.”

“I’m worried you still think she’s going to change and giveyou some kind of white picket fence life,” his mother said quietly. “Do youwant to be with the Agency for the rest of your career?”

Not really, but it didn’t matter. “I want to be with her.”

“But in the back of your mind, what does your life look liketwenty-five years from now?” His father asked the question that threatened toturn his stomach. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it because I knowyou have.”

He had. He saw himself with Kala and a couple of kids, andhe would work as a pilot and she would…

Damn it. He told himself over and over that he would bewhatever she needed him to be, but did he mean it?

His mom stood and wrapped him in a hug. “You need to bepatient. With her. With yourself. It’s okay to sink into this relationship, butyou have to be realistic. You have to be ready to compromise.”

He knew in that moment there would be no compromise. He knewit deep in his gut, a feeling he’d avoided since he was a kid and he’d felt herpull. It had always been her. In some ways, he had tried to figure out how hecould have it all, have her and the white picket fence he’d thought he wantedas a kid.

Fuck it. All he wanted now was her. None of the rest of itmattered. They would have kids or not. They would stay in this life or move onto new careers when they got older. The only thing he wasn’t willing tocompromise on was spending his life with her.

But he knew it would worry his parents if he didn’t at leastpretend to think about what they’d said. “I will spend some time thinking aboutit.”

There was a brief knock and then Kala was in the doorway,her eyes on him. Her expression was blank, and he wondered exactly how muchshe’d heard. His girl was a brilliant spy. It wasn’t like it shocked him shemight have listened in.

“We need you in the conference room, Cooper,” she saidquietly. “I’m afraid we have the footage from the police, and it’s not exactlygreat.”

“Kala,” his mom began.

Kala gave her a half smile that proved she didn’t act aroundher family. There wasn’t an ounce of humor or happiness in her expression.“Sorry, Eve. We have to go. Lena’s here, and Cooper needs to keep me frompunching her in the face. She’s extremely pleased with herself.”

---