Page 130 of Beach Vibes

She drew in a breath and deliberately pushed the sad thoughts away. She’d been doing a lot of reading online about dealing with grief and healing from pain caused by a family member. One of the most helpful suggestions had been to schedule time to feel angry or sad or betrayed. Just twenty minutes a day, at a specific time.

At first she’d been skeptical, but she’d discovered the practice really helped. For her, the window was when she got home from work. She went into her room and did some deep breathing. After that, she had twenty minutes to wrestle with her less positive emotions. During the day, when she found herself wanting to dwell on how her life had gone to shit, she reminded herself that doing that was already on her calendar. Pushing aside the feelings the rest of time was getting easier, and she was feeling lighter and more able to cope.

“Hello, Beth.”

She looked up and was stunned to see Jana standing in the doorway to her office. Beth rose.

“Hi. You’re here.”

A neutral statement when what she really wanted to ask was, “Are you here to yell at me?” Because Jana never had, and it was something Beth figured she deserved. Not that she couldtell what Jana was thinking. While she didn’t look angry, she wasn’t exactly smiling, either.

“Last time you did all the talking,” the other woman said. “I figured it was my turn.”

That didn’t sound good, but Beth nodded and motioned to the chair opposite.

“I very much want to listen.” She’d earned whatever Jana wanted to tell her.

But instead of approaching the desk, Jana stayed where she was. “I only have one forgiveness left in me. For what happened, I mean. Not for the rest of my life.”

Beth didn’t know what that meant, so she stayed quiet.

Jana met her gaze. “It’s yours if you want it.”

“The forgiveness? You’re going to forgive me?” She spoke the words without being able to feel them. Shock immobilized her.

“I miss you,” Jana said simply. “I miss us being friends.”

Suddenly Beth was up on her feet and racing across the small room. She reached for her friend just as Jana surged forward. They hugged each other, squeezing hard. Deep inside Beth’s chest, some of the heavy, cold sadness melted, leaving her feeling lighter and warmer.

“I’m sorry,” Beth said when they’d separated. “I’m so sorry about what happened and what I did. Or rather what I didn’t.”

“No,” Jana told her firmly. “No more apologizing. You’ve already done that. I understand why you did what you did. If it had been Teddy, I would have kept his secret. It was a sucky situation, and now it’s behind us.”

Once again Jana impressed her. “I don’t think I could have been so gracious.”

“Oh, I think you would have done way better than me. But I got here.” She pointed to the door. “Can you take a half hour or so? I thought we could walk over to the beach and catch up.”

“I’d love that.”

Beth let Kai know she would be gone for a bit. She andJana each took a bottle of sparkling water, and they walked out into the warm, sunny day. Once they crossed the highway, they walked onto the sand. In front of them, the Pacific Ocean stretched out to the horizon. The water was a deep blue. The tide was out, and the wide stretch of damp sand made her feel as if they could walk for miles without touching the water.

Once they were settled facing the waves, they opened their drinks, then touched bottles.

“So what’s new?” Beth asked.

Jana laughed. “Oh, you know. The usual. How are you doing?”

Beth suspected her friend was asking about both Rick and Teddy.

“I haven’t talked to my brother in nearly a month,” she said. “I don’t know when I’ll hear from him.” Or if, but she didn’t go there.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Our last conversation was awful. He’s not who I thought. I keep remembering the little boy, but the man is very different.” She smiled at Jana. “Agatha wanted me to start journaling. She gave me a whole kit. Apparently it helped her after my uncle died. I did try for an entire week, and journaling is so not my thing. But she mentioned telling the story of Rick and me. So I’ve been writing out as much as I can remember, starting when Agatha and Dale rescued us from foster care.”

“That’s ambitious. How’s it going?”

“Slow.” Beth grimaced as she thought of how she tried to write a couple of pages every day. “He said a lot of terrible things to me that I either forgot or didn’t want to remember. I’m not sure which. At the time I thought he was being pragmatic and protective, telling me I couldn’t make it in college and trying would be a waste of time. He changed, and I have to accept that.”

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