Page 119 of Beach Vibes

“That’s the point, Beth. You’re the one who wouldn’t go looking for the bad. You believed in him, you wanted the best for him. Those are wonderful qualities.”

“Maybe, but they don’t feel very good right now.” She blinked back tears. “I’ve been thinking about this all night. You know what I realized? I’ve let him make me feel smaller. He’s said awful things to me, and I accepted them as truth, even though they hurt. I believed him when he said I wasn’t smart or capable.”

A hard truth that had been as shattering as his betrayal. “How do I unlearn that? How do I make myself believe I’ve lost my brother?”

Agatha squeezed her hand. “Right now you don’t do anything but eat something and get some sleep. You can face the rest of it later.”

“While I’d like to follow that advice, it sounds a little bit like avoiding the hard truths. I think we can both agree I’ve already been doing that too much as it is.”

Agatha looked at her. “You want a few hard truths?”

No, Beth thought frantically. She wanted to hide in a cave and lick her wounds for a couple of months. Instead she forced herself to nod. Whatever her aunt said, the words would come from a place of love.

“From the time you were little, you protected Rick,” Agatha began. “Not just because he was your baby brother and youwanted to keep him safe, but because you saw him as special. Rick was the smart one, the one with potential. Somehow you learned the lesson that his life was more important than yours.”

Beth inhaled sharply. “I never thought of it that way. I was always willing to sacrifice, but I didn’t consider that it was because I thought he had more value than me.” She poked around her heart and was shocked to find a rightness sitting there. “Thatishow I saw things.”

“Then when you were barely a teenager, he saved you from that horrible man’s attack, and in the process was injured. The scar was a tangible reminder of his bravery, his love and how he put himself on the line for you. That only reinforced the dynamic of him being worthy of all you were doing.”

Her aunt got up and poured them each a mug of coffee. She carried them back to the table.

“I’m not saying Rick was always selfish and uncaring. I’m sure when he was younger he was a sweet, loving little boy. I believe we all have a dark side, but most of us have a moral code and possibly social pressures to keep it in check. Rick was left to explore his darker side, and over time, it took over.”

“I don’t want to agree, but you’re right.”

“So much of your relationship is about habit,” Agatha said. “You like taking care of him, and he likes being taken care of. It’s not a bad thing unless the relationship becomes toxic, and in your case, it did.”

“He didn’t see me as an equal,” Beth said slowly, ignoring the pain her own words caused. “He barely saw me as a person. He dismissed me and my life. He doesn’t care I lost Teddy and my friendship with Jana.” She looked at her aunt and swallowed against the tightness in her chest. “I didn’t lose my brother, did I? He’s been gone for a long time.”

“I’m sorry, my dear.”

A gentle way of agreeing.

“So now what?” she asked. “What do I do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I have no idea,” Beth admitted. “Part of me says to cut him off, but why invest in the drama? What does that even mean? Do I text him and tell him to never call me again?”

Tears fell down her cheeks as she spoke. “What a waste of time,” she whispered, more to herself than her aunt. “He won’t care.”

Agatha reached for her again and held her tight. “You do what feels right. My guess is at this minute, you don’t want to do anything about Rick. I think that’s wise.”

Startled, Beth drew back and stared at her aunt. “You don’t think that’s weak?”

“Not at all. You don’t need anything from him. Oh, a heartfelt apology would go a long way, but that’s not going to happen. So why stress yourself? He’s not important. You are. Focus on healing. In time, you’ll get more clarity about your brother.”

“I thought you’d tell me to cut him off.”

“Never.” Agatha gave her a faint smile. “I’ve been relatively clear on who he is all these years, but I’ve continued to welcome him into my life. Whatever he’s done, he’s still my only nephew. I’m just a little careful with my heart.”

“I’d like to get to that place,” Beth said, thinking about how she wasn’t even through the pain yet. It was going to be a long, ugly road. “How do I get there? And please don’t say therapy. I couldn’t do it.”

Agatha studied her for a second. “No, not therapy. Do you remember when your uncle died?”

“Of course.” His heart attack had been so unexpected, and his death had shocked them all. Agatha had been devastated. She and Dale had been together for nearly forty years. She hadn’t ever been an adult without Dale at her side.

“I joined a grief group—mostly because I got tired of people offering me advice on how to heal. Through that group, I metseveral women in my exact situation. Their friendship helped me so much.”

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