Page 85 of Beach Vibes

A reasonable question, so she considered her answer. “There’s a line between being honest and forthcoming, and being obsessed. I would give him the benefit of the doubt on that one. He’s told me about Valonia and their marriage, but he doesn’t dwell on it, and I don’t feel he talks about her too much. It’s not that. If anything it’s how deeply he loved her. Like they were on a different emotional plane. Thinking about that, knowing what they had, changes things.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Kai looked at her. “It scares you.”

She wanted to say he was wrong, that of course she wasn’t afraid, only she knew she was—big-time.

“My mom was all about the flame,” she said.“Burn hot and bright. Burn yourself out. If you’re not afraid, you’re not living.”

“Not a restful way to grow up.”

“Exactly. I was afraid all the time, but not the way she meant. I worried what would happen to us, who she would bring home, whether or not she’d remember to feed us. There was no emotionalroom for regular ‘kid’ concerns. I tried to be there for Rick so he could focus on himself, but he rescued me more than once.”

“You rescued each other. Do you think the problem with Teddy is you’re afraid you can’t love him as deeply as he loves you?”

The question surprised her. “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but maybe. I sure didn’t love Ian the way Teddy loved Valonia. Maybe I’m emotionally stunted.”

“That’s a leap. You’re cautious because you didn’t get to be a kid the way you should have. The ability to give it all comes from knowing you’ll always be safe. Now you’ve met a man who embodies self-confidence in the emotional sense, and you’re not sure where you fit in.”

He was right about all of it, she thought, barely surprised. Kai had depths. “Plus the kids. They’re great, and as Teddy and I continue to see each other, I’m going to have to deal with them.” She paused. “No, I want to deal with them. I just hope I can do a good job.”

Kai stared at her. “You’re worried about not being a good mom?” His voice was thick with disbelief. “I’ll accept the other stuff, but not that. B, you’re the most nurturing person I know.”

Now it was her turn to stare. “What are you talking about? That can’t be true.”

Her, nurturing? Sure, she tried to be nice and thoughtful, but didn’t everyone?

“When I had that big fight with my folks,” he said, “and they threw me out because I’d rather surf than go to college, you let me crash on your sofa for two weeks while I figured it out.”

She waved the comment away. “Anyone would have helped out. That was no big deal.”

“It was a big deal to me. Mr. Kazinsky comes in, what? Three times a week, but always on different days. Still, every morning you make up that special sauce he likes so it’s ready whenever heshows up. Every day, when the store closes, you have the team make up sandwiches using all the food that’s going to go bad, and we take them to the shelter.”

He shifted on the sand so he was facing her. “You gave up culinary school and your savings so your brother could go to medical school. B, you give and you give. You’re always thinking of other people. If you and Teddy want to take things to the next level, those kids are going to get a great stepmom. They’ll be lucky to have you.”

She stared at him. Was this really how he saw her? Even more startling were the tears she saw in his eyes—a testament to his sincerity.

“You’ve touched my heart,” she whispered.

“You touch mine all the time.”

She leaned in and hugged him, only to realize his wet suit was damp and cold, and pressing against it soaked her shirt. She started to laugh.

“You must be freezing.”

“Naw. I’m used to it.”

They looked at each other. Kai was like a much, much younger brother, she thought. He was sweet and kind, and she enjoyed his company. Not to mention the fact that he gave killer advice.

“I feel better,” she admitted. “Thank you for listening and telling me what to do.”

Kai grimaced. “I didn’t tell you what to do. I don’t do that.”

“I know. I was messing with you.” She sighed. “It’s up to me to be brave. Part of what makes Teddy special is how he’s different from anyone I know. Hearts are made to be given. He’s learned that lesson, and now it’s time I do, too. If I don’t put myself out there, I’m going to regret it always. He’s an amazing man, and I don’t want to lose him.”

“You’re gonna be scared,” Kai told her.

“Probably every day. But that’s where the growth happens,right? Because if this relationship turns out to be real, then he’ll be the best thing that ever happened to me.”

He stood and brushed off the sand. “I’m heading back in. See you at work tomorrow.”

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