Beth spent much of her time with a grocery cart filled with frozen turkeys. The unexpected donation had filled the freezer,so Beth was asked to make personal appeals to see if they could move the turkeys even though it was early April rather than a more traditional time of year.
She approached customers one at a time, offering a free turkey to anyone who would take one. By the end of her shift, she’d gotten rid of all but two, leaving much-needed freezer space open for the next donation.
She signed out, went to her car for the small picnic basket she’d used to pack the dinner she’d brought, then made her way to the rear of the building. She and Jana hadn’t spoken, and she didn’t know if they were having dinner together or not. If Jana didn’t show up, Beth planned to text her an apology, but she was hoping to deliver it in person.
The seconds crawled by. Finally at a few minutes after six, Jana walked out onto the patio and looked at her. Beth was instantly on her feet.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I was such a horrible person. I said things and thought things and acted awful. I hurt you. I embarrassed myself. I’m still not sure why, but I’m wondering if maybe my actions were more about me and Rick than you at all. Maybe I was feeling that if Rick found someone and was happy, I would have to face the fact that I’m in such a stagnant place since my divorce. I thought I was doing well, but now I wonder if that’s not true, and somehow you got caught up in that. I’m sorry,” she repeated.
Jana smiled. “You have to breathe.”
“I am. I feel stupid and sad.”
“I didn’t help the situation,” Jana said as she walked to the table. “I joked about dating a guy with money. I know it’s just a thing women do and we don’t mean it, but the thought got planted in your brain. Plus the confusion between what Rick said about me and what you know and his past with other women.”
She paused, and the smile widened. “Don’t take this wrong, but your brother isn’t very good with details.”
“Right? You’d think he would be, given his work isallabout details.”
Some of her tension faded, and the icky feeling she’d been carrying around seemed to ease a little.
“I really am sorry,” she whispered.
“Me, too.”
“I want to start over. Our friendship is important to me.”
Jana smiled. “Same here. So let’s do that.”
Beth impulsively reached for her friend. Jana stepped close, and they hugged. When they stepped back, Beth added, “I brought dinner.”
“I can be bribed with your delicious food.”
They sat down, and Beth passed out sandwiches, salad and sparkling water.
“Tell me everything,” Jana said. “What have I missed?”
Beth resisted the need to roll her eyes. “My life is very boring. I have nothing new to report, except I think my Aunt Agatha might be dating a new guy, which both impresses and depresses me. I admire her willingness to put herself out there, and yet I find myself intimidated by my sixtysomething aunt’s love life.”
“Go, Agatha. Are you serious about wanting to date someone?”
“Yes, I think so. But I haven’t dated since the divorce. I worry that I’ve forgotten what few skills I might have had before I got married.” She paused, then grinned. “I should ask Rick if he knows any single guys. Then we could both be dating doctors.”
Jana laughed. “We could form a club.”
Beth picked up her sandwich, relieved conversation was flowing easily. Maybe her mistakes weren’t unrecoverable.
“How’s Linnie?”
“Growing every day. She’s so mature for her age. I know that’s from being the youngest, but I’m terrified I’ll blink and she’ll want to be borrowing the car.”
Beth thought about how she’d enjoyed her day with the four-year-old. “She’s at a great age.”
As she spoke, she heard the wistfulness in her voice. Where were the children in her own life? she wondered. She was only a few years shy of forty, and kids had somehow never been on her radar. She’d meant to have them, had assumed she would. But what if she didn’t?
Unexpected sadness gripped her. Was she going to die childless? Somehow that seemed worse than simply being alone.
“So, I have a weird question,” Jana said, drawing Beth away from her uncomfortable thoughts. “I guess it’s more of a statement.”