Page 99 of Call Me Mrs. Taylor

The thought of it sends a sick pulse through my body, a mixture of rage and need.

Fuck him.

I love him so much.

He needs space, so, okay, I’ll give him what he needs.

I pick up my phone and stare at his contact picture, the one I took at the pool in Hilton Head. God, he’s so fine. I can’t stop staring.

The temptation to call him gnaws at me, but I know better. Crying, calling, texting, none of it will help. Anything you chase in life runs away.

I'll let him think he's free.

For now.

I don’t remember driving home, but I’m in the driveway, so it must have gone well.

My whole day has been like this, a series of vignettes my brain is showing me that I can’t remember being a part of.

I think I’m dissociating.

I stop in the doorway of Daddy’s room on my way in.

His eyes are open, but he won’t look at me.

Pathetic.

I cross the threshold, dragging my fingernail along the doorframe. His mouth twitches, but he doesn’t move.

“You should be grateful,” I mutter. “I could’ve let you die.”

He looks at me, finally. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was angry.

The nerve.

My fingers twitch at my sides, itching to grab a pillow, press it down, and finish what I started.

But not tonight.

Tonight, I have something more important to do.

I grab two bottles of water from the kitchen, because I read somewhere that you can live two weeks without food, but only two days without water.

Maybe Ace dumping me for a few days won’t be so bad. I’ll be snatched when this is all over.

Upstairs, I stare at my reflection through my phone’s camera. My face is pale under the glow of my ring light. My skin looks thin. Eyes red and puffy.

I look weak.

But I hit LIVE anyway, because I need to feel seen.

“Hey, y’all,” I croon, forcing a smile. “It’s late, but I had to show y’all my new foundation.”

I hold up the bottle, surprised when my hand shakes. My voice doesn’t sound like me. It’s a little too bright, like I’m wearing a mask that’s peeling back at the edges.

“I’ve been going through it,” I admit, my voice catching. “But no matter what happens in life, we never let anybody see us without our face on.”

I finally look down at my viewer count. 198. A new high.

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