That’s the part I’m good at.
It’s the other shit that fucks me up.
Jamal grins. “Tell me this ain’t a fuckin’ masterpiece, Ace.”
I smirk, dragging a hand over my goatee. “I mean, yeah. We’re rollin’. We’ll see after the final inspection.”
He laughs. “Yeah, alright. I know how you are.”
I shrug and pull my phone out of my pocket as I walk back into my trailer. Raya left me a voicemail last night after she got home, squealing about her presents.
I wonder if she’s had time to think about whether or not I came inside the house.
She answers on the first ring.
“You know you’re gettingtheesloppiesthead you’ve ever had, right?”
I laugh, closing the trailer door behind me. “I take it that means you like your stuff.”
“I told you, I love it.” She pauses. “Thank you, baby. I feel so spoiled with you.”
“As you should.” I take a seat behind my desk, stretching my legs out in front of me. “But we need to talk.”
She sighs on the other end. “You met my dad.”
“Mm hm.”
“What do you wanna know?”
I scrub a hand down my face, feeling like I’ve been here before. But since this shit ain’t an exact science, I swallow my pride and irritation and say, “I wanna know why you didn’t tell me.”
She hesitates. “It’s not something I like talking about. I guess I figured I’d get around to it eventually if y’all ever met.”
“If?”
“I mean…” she trails off. “He’s really sick, Ace. He might not…you know.”
“Ain’t that even more of a reason to say something? I’d like to think you would want me to be there for you.”
“I would,” she says. “And I know you would, because you’re a good man. That’s why I’m with you.”
“And why am I withyou?” I say before I can stop it.
She’s quiet for a while before she says, “What do you mean?” in a small voice. The smallest voice I’ve ever heard come out of her.
“You know what I mean,” I say. “You don’t tell me shit. You hide shit. You keep me at a distance. That shit is getting old, Raya.”
She breathes in deep. “I’m trying.”
“Try harder.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You’re different from every other woman I’ve ever known, but…that might not be enough anymore.”
Time passes slowly. She’s so quiet over there, I’m tempted to believe she hung up. Then I hear her, even quieter than before.
“I don’t wanna lose you, Ace. I can’t.”
I open my mouth to speak, but the words get stuck in my throat. I feel like her father, strangled into silence by something I can’t name. So instead, I tell her, “I’ll call you later,” and hang up, ending the torture for both of us.
My phone buzzes.