Page 157 of Vicious Little Princess

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~Nico~

She was unusually quiet.

As we traveled down the back roads toward the college town of Stonewell where Levi was currently located, I looked out at Caterina staring down at the ravine over by the passenger side, zoning out it seemed.

I reached out and grasped her hand and she squeezed it affectionately, then finally turned her head toward me.

She looked fucking exhausted, and not just because of the late hour.

Before I could get a word into the talk I’d wanted to have with her once I’d given her some time to decompress in the car after the emotional goodbye with Milo and Julian, she asked me suddenly, “Does being able to kill without remorse make me a true monster?”

I jolted at the question and what it also meant to me, how it fucking cut at me more than I liked to admit.

The fact that I actually did think about that more than anyone was aware.

“Not in this case. Not when it comes to your father.”

“No?” she asked, so worried about it.

“After what he did to you, all the abuse, every fucking thing, he didn’t qualify as human anyway.Hewas the true monster. The world is undoubtedly better off without him in it.”

She slipped her hand from mine. “But you don’t… feel it, do you? So you can’t really know that. You’re just saying it to make me feel better, aren’t you?”

“When have I ever done that? We’re always challenging each other.”

“No. You have. You do that for me.”

I looked away and dug my fingertips into the steering wheel as I forced my next words out. “Idoactually feel it.”

“What?”

“Remorse. Guilt.”

“You do?”

I nodded. “There are times when I let it back in, when the strain becomes too much and I don’t have much of a choice.” I looked at her again, finding her staring at me with a whole lot of intrigue. “But with the thingsI’vedone, they haven’t just been to protect myself or due to Marchetti Syndicate orders. I… over the years, it became a part of who I am and I grew to… like it. To get off on it, in fact. There’s no forgiveness for that, is there? So, you see, it’s different for you. You’re not me, thankfully. And once this war is done, you won’t find yourself in a position like that again.”

“I like it too. The power of it.”

“But the acts to achieve that are just a means to that end, yes?”

She thought for a moment. “Yeah, I guess that’s a good way to put it.”

“Then it’s different. I like the actual bloodletting.”

“Well, everybody has their passions, Nico.”

“Hilarious.”

She chuckled. “I thought we could do with somelevity, as Julian is fond of calling it.”

I reached out and stroked her hair. “I love you. You know that?”

“I do. I love you too.”

“Myprincipessa.”I slid my hand down to her belly. “And I’m going to love this little baby just as much.”

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