Page 120 of Vicious Little Princess

Muffled voices reached me as I neared Milo’s room.

“I don’t blame you in the least, Nico. I know if you’d been aware, things would have played out differently. Very differently.”

“They would have. I never fucking would have had you pledging your loyalty to the people who were responsible for taking your parents from you. It makes me sick knowing this twisted truth, knowing all this time that—”

“It’s all right.”

“What?”

“I’m not gonna fly off the handle, or pull a Julian.”

“I thought—”

“That’s why I came in here, to process it all. And so we’re clear, I pledged my loyalty toyou.”

“I know, you did. I know.”

“I do need your help with this, though.”

“I’m here. Name it, what can I do?”

“I want you to teach me how to properly compartmentalize this.”

“You know how dangerous that can be.”

“Just while we’re in the midst of war. I won’t let it impact me, or you, or any of us. So long as I know you’ll leave Leo to me when the time comes.”

“He’s yours. I swear it to you. And, yes, I’ll teach you how to compartmentalize it. Just temporarily, though. Understood?”

“Understood, brother.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, thanks for telling me tonight. I figured you’d hold off on it until all of this was over. Or at least until the attacks tomorrow and the corresponding blowback were beyond us. You must’ve been worried that it would fuck things up, especially if I lost it.”

“I was. But you’ve been willing to work with Carlo when you thought all these years that Benzino collateral damage had been responsible. Besides, seeing Julian tonight, then Caterina talking about the hurt and shock she’s feeling because of Stover’s secretive actions, it brought it to the forefront. Secrets are poison, especially to our foursome.”

I jerked back from the door, grimacing at that.

Shit.

It took me several moments to get a hold of myself and actually step back up to the door and knock. Not like me at all. This whole thing, everything that was happening… I felt like it was undercutting who I was, who I’d worked so hard to be over the last few years.

Only two things made it better, grounded me to who I was. The first was when I unleashed that dangerous, monstrous part of myself. But the second was my men. And if the first was in play, it was a risk to them. Or it had become a risk, anyway. Last time, I’d hurt Nico. And even when unleashing had been sexual and not combat-related, it had left him with marks that had taken days to heal.

I couldn’t… I couldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t see any of them hurt, especially not at my hands.

They’d all been through enough as it was.

And when tomorrow night’s assault took place, that was only going to become a whole lot worse.

“Come in,” Milo’s voice called out.

I sucked in a steadying breath and opened the door to find Milo and Nico sitting on the foot of his bed, facing one another. Nico’s back was to the door, and he turned as I entered, beaming out at me in his usual loving way. Milo gave me what Julian called histeddy beareyes.

Guilt slashed through me.

More so than it had already been doing as it was.

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