Page 24 of The Artist and the Muse

“George!” It was too late for me to duck. Emani, Abigail’s husband, had spotted me and was waving me over.

As I made my way over to their group, I noted that my outfit matched Georgia’s—she wore a cap-sleeved dress made of navy blue cotton with white heels.

“Hi, guys.” I accepted Katerina’s hug and shook the men’s hands before hugging Abigail as well.

Abigail, being the friendliest and most bubbly of the Steele clan, was a hugger. As for Georgia—well, I wouldn’t risk hugging her. She carefully avoided my gaze, so I gave her the space she wanted.

“What are you doing here?” Alexander asked. To my amusement, I noticed that he wore a baby carrier and his son was sound asleep on his chest. When I’d first met the man, he had never seemed like the type to crack a smile, let alone be affectionate and cuddly. Now, however, it appeared that fatherhood had softened him.

“Pastor Tony wanted to talk with me about something, so I figured I would catch him after service.”

“I didn’t realize the two of you kept in contact,” said Katerina, arching an eyebrow.

“We talk about art sometimes.”

“The service is starting,” Georgia said, checking her watch. It slid down her wrist. Her too-slender wrist. Everything about her looked too thin these days—gaunt, almost, rather than lively and vibrant. It worried me.

We filed into our seats at Georgia’s reminder. Allie, Abigail, Emani, Katerina, and Alexander took their seats in a row of six chairs. Georgia sat next to them and I found myself on the end of the row, next to Georgia. Almost as if we were a couple. Of course, I should have known better than to let that thought cross my mind.

After everyone stood and a man with a guitar, along with a woman at a piano, began singing about God’s love, I nudged Georgia. “What are you doing here?”

She scowled at me. “It’s impolite to whisper during church.”

“Yet you’re whispering back.” I couldn’t help my delight in winding her up even when I knew I shouldn’t have.

“You started it,” she hissed back, “And if you must know, I’m having brunch with the girls after this.”

That satisfied my curiosity and I fell silent, focusing on the lyrics. They told of a God who loved His people even when they didn’t love Him in return. A God who was faithful even when His people left Him. A God whose love stretched to the ends of the earth and whose mercy knew no bounds. Whose love could overwhelm any sinner even after His judgment had been pronounced on their sins.

It sounded comforting, but surely it couldn’t be true. Not when I remembered the things I’d done. The crimes I’d committed.

After all, if a court of law still had yet to judge me for my crimes, how could I be so confident that God hadn’t already done so and was waiting for the right time to strike? To smite me from the earth and punish me for what I’d done?

I had abandoned my sister and my father in their time of need, causing Katerina to go through with an arranged marriage. I’d made my father’s battle with cancer even more painful than it ever needed to be. And on top of that, I’d unwittingly allowed Sebastian Cavalli to use me for a money laundering scheme that had harmed others. Sure,I’d never been convicted, arrested, or so much as called to the stand as a witness regarding the case. Yet that didn’t change the guilty stain on my heart.

“You may be seated,” said Pastor Tony as he came up to the pulpit. “Today, I’m going to preach about the story of King David.”

Next to me, I saw Georgia stiffen slightly as Pastor Tony spoke, her slumped posture becoming alert.

I filed away that observation for later and tried to pay attention to the sermon. Pastor Tony told us about how King David had slept with another man’s wife, gotten her pregnant, and after that, had sent her husband away to die on the front lines. So adultery and murder. Not exactly the pleasant, uplifting Sunday sermon I had been expecting to hear, but at least it made for an interesting topic.

“Are you like David?” asked Pastor Tony. “Have you committed crimes that you think are unforgivable? Were you prideful? Selfish? Have you taken what you wanted, without caring if others might be hurt by your actions?

“Somehow, after all his mistakes, David was still called a man after God’s own heart. That’s right. Even after his grave sins of murder and adultery, David was still called a man after God’s heart. And do you know why that is?”

I found myself leaning forward in my seat, my knees brushing the chair of the person in front of me. I’d thought after my meeting with Pastor Tony that I’d like to be forgiven by God, but it still felt like a far-off hope. A wishful dream.

“He didn’t just remain in his sin. He acknowledged his faults—and he also acknowledged that God’s mercy was enough to wash him clean. God didn’t take away the consequences of David’s actions. But God restored David to a right relationship with himself, and in Psalm 51, David knows that. He knows that God will wash him clean andthat although his sins were once like scarlet, they will be made like snow.

“Our God is a holy God. He’s a God of justice. He is a God who hates sin, have no doubts about that. He is also a God who loves us and is waiting for us to come to Him as we are. Not to try to clean ourselves up first or to fix ourselves or wallow in self-pity and self-condemnation. He’s here, and Hewantsus to accept His forgiveness. And it would be an insult to His mercy not to.”

His words rung out in my ears—and in my heart. As the service continued, with some members taking communion and dropping envelopes into the offering basket that was passed around, I was still frozen to my chair. God loved me enough to forgive me of my sins—even if I’d done something truly awful?

Did He really want my repentance? Did He not just tolerate me, but loved me?

I would need to talk with Pastor Tony about this after service. Apparently, there was more than art on the table.

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