Page 58 of Make The Cut

“Why’d you steal Ryder’s song, Naoya?”

Naoya. She never really calls me that, unless something is serious.

And there is a new level of seriousness between us that I’ve never let myself have with another woman.

The question hangs in the air, in the space between our mouths. I could kiss her and erase her words, pretending she never asked. I’ve never told anyone the answer before.

I just let them all paint me as the villain.

It was easier to be the man they wanted me to be, the monster they wanted me to be, rather than carve my own path. But now I’m wondering if the road of least resistance was the right one, after all.

“I… I didn’t think I was good enough to write my own.” I shrug, telling her the truth. She’ll have this piece of me. She’ll know this part of me that no one else does. and I’ll be real to her in all the ways that she is real to me. I’ll be a real person—not a celebrity, not a playboy, not the tabloid figure.

“You didn’t think you were good enough?” Her voice quavers. “Naoya, how could you think that?”

“I…” Memories of years of feeling insufficient, of my father’s absence, of trying to fill the space in my chest with models and actresses and partying flood back in. “I don’t know. I guess I was worried that if I put out my own music and wrote my own stuff, then I’d be rejected. People would be able to laugh at it, dissect it, or critique it. And I couldn’t take that. I didn’t let myself put my own work out there, so I stole your brother’s song and put that out instead.”

“Naoya,” she whispers against my cheek. “I love you, you know that?”

“If I know nothing else, I know that.” I press my lips against hers again, letting my fears and pain of the past dissolve.

* * *

@RBFOfficial: I can’t believe Naoya Sugawa eliminated Tyler from @MakeTheCut !!! He was my fave

@TTang: I loved Tyler on @MakeTheCut! #JusticeforTyler

@MakeTheCutFans: What did everyone think of Tyler’s elimination from the show tonight?

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Naoya Sugawa

Hope you had a happy Thanksgiving. Have fun at the party tonight!

I stare down at the text from an unknown number. I somehow can’t shake the feeling that even though this could very likely be a random scammer or a person who simply sent a polite holiday greeting to the wrong number, it means something.

But I don’t have time to dwell on that now.

Poppy and I are going to her friend’s costume party tonight. I’ll have to fish out an old costume I haven’t worn since college and tell Gustav of my plans. I can already picture how the conversation will go. He’ll immediately inform me that going to a party where everyone is in costume is the perfect place to be stabbed and killed by a crazed stalker.

Then I’ll say, “I’ll be fine. Poppy will be with me.”

Gustav: “Yes, because a girl who isn’t even five-foot-five can protect you from a stalker.”

Me: “I think my stalker is the same height as her, so it should be fine. Calm down, no one will drug me or anything. I’ll stick to water the whole time.”

I’m not looking forward tothatconversation. My phone rings as I hunt through my closet for the costume. Iknowit’s in here somewhere…

“What are you going as?” Poppy asks me as soon as I pick up.

“Well, good evening to you, too, Petal.” I shift the phone between my shoulder and ear, awkwardly hunching over to keep it in place.

She sighs. “Hey, Naoya.”

“Are we doing couple’s costumes? That might be a bit of a dead giveaway. I know no one will recognize me in my outfit, but if we’re seen in matching ones—“

“I just wanted to know what you’re going as so I can go as a completely unrelated costume.”

I fish out the garment bag. “I’m going as Spiderman. So, don’t be my MJ.”

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