Page 32 of Then She Vanished

No, no, no, I don’t want to celebrate, but I don’t want to be alone. I can’t stand it anymore. All I have is him, and he dreams that one day he will trust me enough to take me out of this capsule, and I think we’re close. All I do is shrug.

‘Okay, if you don’t want takeaway, we can just go back to darkness and you can get an early night.’

‘No,’ I yell. I need the lights to stay on. I need my drawings and my cupcake scarf. I don’t want to go back to seeing swirls in the dark and feeling my way around. For anyone else that might wonder what that’s like, every minute feels like hours. There is no TV, no radio, no music, no chat with anyone. After a while, I begin to chat to people who aren’t there. ‘Lights on, lights on.’ I grip the scarf and hug it.

‘Have you ever had Prosecco?’

My mum let me try some of hers a couple of times – only a few sips, but I don’t want him to know about me and Mum. He doesn’t belong in our lovely world. I shiver as I wonder if I even belong anymore. I’m not the same person. ‘No.’

‘Clean up the mess and get two plates out on the chess table. No chess tonight.’

He’s gone. I know he has, and if he’s going to get a takeaway he won’t be watching me. I quickly grab a load of kitchen roll and mop up the spillage, throwing the soggy towels in the bin, then I hammer on the door.

‘Help,’ I yell. I run to the back of the capsule and do the same. Having tried this so many times, I know it won’t work, but I will never stop trying.

Then I stop. He’s told me how horrible his life has been; that everyone he has ever cared about has left him. After all this time, he’s just starting to trust me. My mantra plays in my head. His dreams are my dreams.

That went fast. The door clicks and he enters with a pizza box and places it on the table where he sits on the bed next to me. This time is different. He is wearing new clothes and aftershave. He uncorks the Prosecco, fills up a plastic cup and passes it to me.

‘It’s nice, try it.’ His smile is warm and I want it to stay that way, so I drink. The liquid is acidic and I don’t like it, but I continue to drink, then I hiccup. ‘Not too much at once.’

He opens the pizza box and places it on his lap as he snuggles up next to me. ‘It’s your favourite, pepperoni.’

Pepperoni ishisfavourite, and for the sake of getting out of this one day, it is mine too. ‘Thank you.’

‘See, I do care. You might not think I do, but you are all I care about. You’re my total world, you know that?’

I’m almost salivating as the smell of savoury sausage and hot cheese hits my nostrils. I am hungrier than ever for some freshly cooked hot food. I nod.

‘What did you do wrong earlier?’

I shrug.

‘You lost the game on purpose, didn’t you?’

I want to scream no. I didn’t lose on purpose and I don’t know why he keeps thinking I do. He is really good at chess,and I lost. There’s no way I can reason with him at all so I don’t answer. ‘Thank you for this lovely food. It’s really kind of you to bring it.’

‘That’s okay. You are my angel, you know that. Actually, I’m going to call you my angel from now on. Shall we call tonight a rebirth, for both of us?’

I will literally call tonight anything, and if he wants me to be his angel, I will be. I just want the pizza.

‘A rebirth.’ I hold my plastic glass up and he knocks his against mine and we drink.

The Prosecco is going to my head. I never drink and I’m feeling woozy already, and my hunger is getting worse. He looks into my eyes and all I wonder is if he knows how hungry I am.

‘Good. Tuck in.’ He nudges the box in my direction. I take a slice and it flops at the end. I have to hold it at my eyeline to feed myself, and he looks overjoyed as I ram it into my mouth and chomp on it.

‘It makes me happy to see you like this, enjoying something I’ve done for you.’ He pauses as I swallow my mouthful. ‘I hope to make you even happier.’

He takes the pizza off me and places it into the box as he takes my chin and gently kisses me.

I freeze.

Did that just happen?

He holds his glass up again and clinks it against mine. ‘To us.’

TWENTY

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