Page 28 of Then She Vanished

Maybe they’re not even remotely missing me.

As that light came on, I stared at all those eyes in the audience, my heart beating like crazy. I would happily double that embarrassment to leave this dungeon.

I want to hug my cat, Meowdon.

Tears run down my cheeks as I think of the sky. I don’t even care if it’s cloudy or raining. My mum always moans about therain and the weather in this country, but I would literally trade my right arm for a glimpse of the wet stuff. I imagine running outside with a huge grin while I dance in the puddles. That’s what I’ll do when I go home.

I punch the mattress and then I do it again and again. I’m feeble, I know it, and there’s no way on earth I could fight him off and escape this hellhole. He barely feeds me, knowing that I’m getting weaker and weaker. That’s the way he likes it. He’s deprived me of light and starved me to kill what strength I have.

I yell out and run my fingers over the metal door handle. ‘I’m hungry,’ I yell. What’s the point? He isn’t listening. If he was, I’d ask for another blanket.

A crackle comes from above. ‘I’m going to open the metal door. Can I trust you to be a good girl, because good girls get privileges? Do you understand me?’

He’s speaking to me through an intercom system. He’s been listening to me crying all this time and only now he speaks. I’ve tried so hard to be nice and get into his mind when he’s brought me food, but I’m dying here and I don’t want to die.

A thought flashes through my head as I imagine what it would be like to suddenly not be able to breathe. Would the world go black? Would I panic so hard that it would be the most terrifying moment of my life? My heart beats rapidly and I feel faint at the thought. Stop thinking like that, I say in my head. I am going to live. I nod and stare up, wondering if he’s watching me.

‘Do you understand me?’ he yells, making me jump.

I nod rapidly until my neck hurts. ‘Yes, yes, I understand.’ My voice quivers and I can’t help it.

‘Good.’

He is watching me. He’s been watching me all this time and I feel like throwing up. He’s watched me use the bucket, he’swatched me pretend to talk to my mum, where I’ve told her how I need her to rescue me. He’s watched me sleep.

I feel like I’ve been violated. Do I cry in my sleep and speak my deepest thoughts and fears out loud?

A click echoes through the underground cell. ‘Press the door handle and go through.’

What if it’s a trap? I found that fingernail. Once that door closes, does something terrible happen.

I stand there shaking.

After spending so much time wondering what’s behind that door, I can’t step forward. ‘I can’t.’ I whimper a few times as I try to speak, but can’t get my words out. ‘I don’t want to die.’

‘And I don’t want to kill you. Go.’

I open my mouth to ask about the other girl, but I think better of it. The last thing I want is to make him angry.

Standing, my legs are like jelly, but I place my hand on the icy metal handle. I stuff the cupcake scarf into the pocket of the blue dress.

‘Enter.’

That’s all he says and his voice is monotone now. ‘She who makes a brave move will be rewarded.’

I don’t trust him, but I do know I have to move forward. I can’t spend another day, night – whatever it might be out there in the real world – shivering on this mattress.

Pressing the handle, I nudge the heavy door open and step towards whatever is over the threshold.

‘Step inside and close the door.’

‘I can’t.’

‘Do it,’ he yells.

I run into the darkness and close the door. It clicks. I try the handle, but the door is locked.

I can’t get out. I can’t see. I can’t breathe.

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