Page 93 of Break My Fall

“I’m pretty sure you’ll get used to it.”

His grin was positively devilish. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll be getting used to it anytime soon.” He pulled out a muffin and a scone. “Which do you want?”

“Can we split them?”

“Of course.” He broke each one in half, and she joined him at the table.

He took her hand. “Can I ask the blessing?”

Meredith wanted to say, “Yes, you can ask the blessing, and I love that this is how you want to start our first morning as a couple, and you don’t realize it yet, but I’m so gone for you that I’m never, ever coming back.” What she did was nod.

“Dear heavenly Father, thank you for this food and thank you for miracles. Amen.”

She picked up her half of the scone. “Miracles?”

“You kissed me.” He took half of the muffin. “If that isn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is.”

She took a bite and waited until his mouth was full before she said, “The real miracle is thatyoukissedme.”

They laughed and talked about their day, the wedding in Neeson, Cassie and Donovan’s upcoming wedding, and Cassie’s anticipated reaction to the monstrosity of a floral arrangement.

Breakfast was over far too soon, and when Gray reached for her hand and started playing with her fingers, she knew he was going to say something she didn’t like.

“One of my officers called this morning. Stomach bug.”

Meredith tried not to react but failed. She took in a deep breath through her nose and then pinched her lips together.

Gray laughed. “How is it possible that you put your hands in people’s mouths, and the thought of a little regurgitation makes you squirm?”

“Don’t use that word. Don’t even say it.”

“So the v-word is out?”

She shuddered. “All the way out.” His smile eased her discomfort, and she tried to explain. “I don’t know what it is. I can handle blood. I can pull teeth and drill out cavities. But not that. Sorry. I’ll make a horrible mother. My poor kids will be in the bathroom all alone. And heaven help me if they don’t make it to the bathroom.”

She shuddered again, and that’s when the expression on Gray’s face registered. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” His voice was a little gruff. “But you shouldn’t joke about that. You’ll make a phenomenal mother. Having a phobia about something doesn’t make you a bad mother. You’d deal with it if you had to. You wouldn’t leave them alone to suffer without help. Your children will be blessed beyond belief.”

Oh, there was so much to unpack there. “First, thank you. That’s very kind of you.”

“Second?”

“You really don’t like it when I say anything negative about myself, do you?”

“No, I do not.”

“Care to elaborate on that?”

Gray ran a thumb across her hand. “Words have power. I’ve seen words used as weapons. I’ve been on the receiving end of the wounds. But most of them were self-inflicted. If you say something negative to yourself long enough, you’ll start to believe it.”

Meredith shifted in her chair. “Sometimes the negative stuff is true. It isn’t healthy to think you’ve attained perfection.”

“True. But it isn’t healthy to think negative stuff all the time. You’re beautiful exactly as you are. Loved exactly as you are. If you want to make changes to yourself because they’re part of your personal growth, that’s great. But only if it’s because it’s what you really want, not because you think it will make people love you more or accept you more. If they don’t love you for who you are, present tense, then they’re missing out.”

She should have said something more eloquent, but all she managed was a low-voiced, “Wow.”

“Does it bother you? For me to tell you I don’t like it when you talk about yourself that way?”

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