Page 55 of Break My Fall

She wiped a rogue tear from her cheek. “It meant something to me. And I think it meant something to him, but not enough. I’m not enough to pull him out of his self-imposed emotional black hole. And now”—she wiped another tear, or seven—“now I have to go to a wedding with him. A wedding, Cal!”

He winced.

“A wedding with a man I might still be a little bit in love with, and with whom I am definitely a lot in hate with.”

“You don’t hate him.”

“Well, no.” Quinns were taught young not to throw that word around lightly. “I don’t hate him. But I despise him. And I despise myself. I can’t stand to see him, to be around him. It hurts every time. And it’s embarrassing. I’ve been all but throwing myself at him for a couple of years and the whole time, he wasn’t interested.”

Cal looked at the ground. “I’m not convinced he’s not interested.”

She thumped her chest. “I was there for the conversation. Oh, he’s attracted to me. He’ll acknowledge that. But he isn’t interested in a relationship. And I’m interested in nothing less.”

The tears had gotten completely out of hand, and her nose was running. Cal reached into the small backpack he always carried and extracted a handful of napkins. He approached her the way he might approach a rabid raccoon. She probably looked like one.

She took the napkins and tried to dry her face. Cal returned to his spot against the tree and didn’t speak.

When she’d pulled herself partly together, she spoke into the silence. “Now, you tell me that you want me to take him to a wedding where he could be hurt. My choices are to take my brother, my cousin, or the man who stole my heart but doesn’t want it. I don’t want to take any of you! I’m so angry with him that I can barely say his name without feeling the need to go to his house and ... I don’t know ... take all his shoelaces andbelts, or replace his coffee with decaf, or put hair remover in his shampoo. That doesn’t mean I want him in harm’s way. How am I supposed to live with myself if I take him to the wedding and he gets killed?”

Panic welled inside her at the idea.

Cal stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. “Mer, I hear you, but if you can’t handle the idea of taking him to the wedding, there’s no way a relationship between the two of you ever would have worked. He’s the police chief. He puts on a bulletproof vest every single day. He carries a weapon to work, and even when he isn’t at work, he’s always armed. He’s always a target.”

She shuddered at his words. “It’s not like he’s in Chicago anymore. He’s in Gossamer Falls. It’s safe here.”

“It usually is.”

Meredith knew Cal was thinking about Landry’s stalker, about Cassie’s kidnapping, and about her punctured fuel line.

Gossamer Falls hadn’t been safe lately.

She pressed her forehead into Cal’s chest. She didn’t want to spend a second with Grayson Ward. Not even one.

But did she have a choice? She’d already stuck her nose in the mess in Neeson. And they knew it. This wasn’t about her, her feelings, or how awkward it would be to spend an evening with a man she was desperately trying to get over. This was about the moms, the kids, the scared faces, the bruised arms, the broken teeth. This was how she could fight back. “He can be my plus-one, Cal. But not my date. You tell him that. He shouldn’t care. It’s not like he wants anything more from me than a ticket to the reception. I’ll do my civic duty. Nothing more.”

Cal squeezed her close. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”

“Me too.”

“Want me to hurt him back?”

“No. He’s your best friend.”

“Want me to break up with him?” There was a tiny bit of humor in Cal’s words, but a strong vein of sincerity as well.

“Don’t you dare.”

“Want to come back to the house and eat ice cream and watch old movies?”

“You hate old movies.”

“But I love ice cream. And I love you. I can endure the movie.”

Meredith stepped away from him and pulled the last dry napkin from her pocket. “This is why you rock at being a girl dad. You’re good with tears and drama.”

Cal looked like he did when he was a kid and got caught doing something wrong. “I’m not really. If you say no to the ice cream, I’m pretty much out of ideas. Also, full disclosure, Landry suggested it.”

Meredith laughed until she cried a little more, but this time the tears were gentle and cleansing. She slid her arm through Cal’s. “I’ll take the ice cream. And then I’ll go work in my shop. I have wedding flowers to finish.”

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