Page 49 of Break My Fall

“Oh, you want to talk about how you kissed me senseless and then informed me that it had been a mistake and then disappeared.” She’d thought about that sometime around 2:00 a.m.He could have come back to talk to her, but he’d left. Was he that big of a coward? Or that big of a jerk?

“Yes.” He pointed to the chair across from her desk. “Could I sit down?”

It would be petty to tell him no, but she made him wait a full ten seconds before she said, “I guess so.”

He sat and placed his ball cap on the chair beside him. He was in his “off-duty” outfit, which for him typically meant khaki or black combat-type pants and some kind of boots. In the winter he wore a thermal long-sleeved shirt, and a T-shirt in summer.

He leaned toward her and shook his head a few times. “I don’t know where to start.”

She had a few suggestions, but she wasn’t going to make them.

“I owe you an apology.”

He was right about that.

“And an explanation.”

Also a good idea.

“I should never have let things go as far as they did.”

Screech. The needle scraped along the record in her mind. “What?” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“I knew you were attracted to me. That you were interested in being more than friends. And instead of keeping my distance, I encouraged you.”

“What?” She had to stop saying that.

“I should have told you a long time ago.”

Was he married? Because really, that was the only thing she could think of that would justify this.

“I can’t have romantic relationships. I can’t get married and have kids. That life won’t ever work for me.”

Meredith waited for him to continue, but he didn’t say more. “Would you care to elaborate?” She could feel her anger and embarrassment rising. “Because, and please understand that this isjust a random suggestion, but if you can’t have romantic relationships, you probably shouldn’t go around kissing women.”

Now that she’d started, there was no stopping her. “What’s so wrong with romantic relationships? With marriage and kids? And while we’re at it, I realize that I’ve made a total fool out of myself by wearing my heart on my sleeve, but do you think so little of me that you don’t think I know the difference between a kiss and a marriage proposal?”

“I—”

“And I’m hardly an expert, but there were two people kissing. It’s not like I jumped you and there was nothing you could do. You outweigh me by at least fifty pounds. I think you could have found a way to disentangle yourself if you’d wanted to.”

“I—”

“So you can understand my confusion when you say you should have ended this, whatever this is, a long time ago. But you were right there in the thick of it. I’ll admit that I’m not entirely clear on who started it. But I am crystal clear on who ended it. And then you left.”

“Mo—”

“You could have come back to discuss it.”

He inhaled slowly. “Mo was supposed to tell you. I got a call while he was scanning his house. I had to go to the scene of another car wreck. There was a fatality.”

Guilt shot through her. “He didn’t mention it. Was it...”

“No one you would know. Kentucky license and plates.” He blew out a breath. “We’ve had more vehicular fatalities than I think is reasonable. I don’t have any evidence, but I’m wondering if some of our neighboring counties and their criminal activities are drawing people to the area who then drive through Gossamer County while buzzed, stoned, high, drunk, or all of the above. There’s no toxicology yet, obviously, but I can’t figure out howthis guy wrecked. It was like he just drove off the road. We’re probably lucky that it was a single-car accident and that he didn’t hit someone else. Two big wrecks this week, and I don’t have a way to stop them. It’s not like I can straighten the roads.”

Meredith could almost see the weight of responsibility resting on Gray’s shoulders. She could almost feel sorry for him.

Almost.

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