Page 91 of Justice Denied

Enough with these useless thoughts. Seth would pummel this guy until he rammed those thoughts away, physical pain his only companion. Maybe then his heart wouldn’t ache so much.

ChapterThirty-Three

“Why did you push him away?”

Mom’s strident question pulled Jetta from the brink of sleep. She pried open her eyes, as lethargy tugged at her body. “Mom, I’m tired.” So exhausted from the harrowing kidnapping and backseat delivery. Seth’s kind eyes and calm demeanor as he talked her through the birth flashed across her mind, but she shoved that picture away as firmly as she had sent him packing. “Can’t we talk about this later?”

Her mother peered down at her, opened her mouth, then snapped it closed. “I’ll be back in two hours.”

Jetta had already let her eyelids drift closed as she sensed her mother’s departure. Sleep once more claimed her, but her dreams brought Seth back into her life in a jumble of scenes. Seth laughing as she tossed a ball to Bingley. Seth lifting anything remotely heavy without complaint. Seth protecting her from the kidnappers. Seth holding her while she cried after her mother’s kidnapping. Seth leaning closer, his lips capturing hers in a kiss so gentle, so sweet, she hadn’t wanted it to end. Then a crying baby entered her dreams. Seth held the squalling infant, one big hand cupped around the little one’s head, an expression of love so intense, it took her breath away.

“Ms. Ainsley, your daughter’s hungry.”

She struggled back to full alertness as the baby’s cries increased. She was alone in the room with the nurse and the crying newborn in the portable crib. Disappointment Seth wasn’t there filled her, but of course he’d left. She’d said she didn’t want him around, and he would never presume to stay if she said go. She pushed to a seated position, rubbing her eyes like a toddler to erase the lingering effects of the nap. “How long was I asleep?”

The nurse checked the clock. “It’s been about two hours.” She refilled Jetta’s plastic mug with water, snapping the straw lid down before handing it to Jetta. “Drink some water, then we’ll get baby latched on.”

Jetta complied and soon held her daughter as they both learned this nursing thing. The nurse left, and Jetta enjoyed the quiet sounds of a feeding infant. She marveled at the baby’s soft blonde fuzz. Love for the infant pulsated throughout her body, a love she hadn’t been sure she would feel given the circumstances of the baby’s conception. But she did love this little one, fiercely and completely.

“Am I interrupting?” Mom pushed her walker into the room.

“Come on in, Mom.” Jetta stared down at her baby, not wanting to read the scold she was sure would be in her mother’s eyes. She knew Mom only wanted what was best for her and now her granddaughter, but Jetta didn’t want to hear how badly she’d behaved with Seth. As she dozed off and on throughout the night, she hadn’t been able to recapture the peace she’d experienced in the backseat. Instead, her feelings were too raw and fresh, which she attributed to the dopamine and oxytocin released at the birth. She still couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact she was a mother of a daughter, and that meant she had a momentous decision to make about the baby’s future. Then she’d had a panic attack upon arriving at the hospital related to memories of the rape. It had taken her a long time to calm down.

Plus there was Seth’s role in delivering the baby. He’d seen things, done things, to help bring the baby into the world. How could he ever view her romantically after the messiness of the birth?

So she’d panicked when he arrived, the hope shining on his face. Hope she wasn’t sure she could reciprocate. Telling him to leave was the only way she could think of to give her the space she needed to figure out her and her daughter’s future.

“How’s my darling granddaughter doing?” Mom made a little cooing noise as she leaned over the bed to gaze at the baby still latched to Jetta’s breast.

“She’s okay. I think we’re getting the hang of nursing.” Jetta detached the baby and put her on her shoulder to burp.

“Oh, honey. You’re going to need to put a little more gusto into those pats or the baby will never release a burp.” Mom sank into the chair. “Babies aren’t that fragile, you know.”

“I know.” Jetta didn’t, but she did trust her mother. She increased the pressure, and the baby let out a decent burp.

“You see?”

“I see you’re going to be a bossy grandma.”

Mom laughed as Jetta positioned the baby on the other side.

“I’m also going to tell you you’re making a big mistake, shutting out that young man of yours.”

“Mom, I do not want to discuss Seth.” Jetta glared but Mom wasn’t fazed.

“I don’t want to have a discussion.” Mom skewered Jetta with The Look, the one that saidyou’re gonna listen to what I have to say.

Jetta sighed. “Have your say then.”

Mom nodded once. “Thank you. I only have one question for you.”

“Which is?”

“Have you prayed about this?”

The question wasn’t the one Jetta had expected. “Of course, I’ve prayed.” She had prayed that God would keep Seth safe from danger, that she would be able to give him up, and that he would one day find a woman worthy of his love. It couldn’t be her. She was too broken, too hurt to ever be ready for loving a man like Seth.

“I meant have you prayed about the rape.”

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