Page 70 of To Challenge a Wolf

“In his room. He’s excited for Kolson to be here, but I think it’s been a lot for him too, with the way he’s tuned in to people. A lot of emotions have been scenting the air around here the last few days.” She nodded to Aaron. “He cried a bucketful of happy tears when Kolson first cried—just bawled.”

“That’s sweet.” A gentle smile found Vivian’s face as she gazed down at Kolson. She glanced up to where Aaron stood against the far wall. His pine-and-nutmeg essence brimmed over with pride and joy so strong, the back of Rhett’s throat tasted like Christmas spices. “Congratulations to both of you.”

“Thanks, Vivian,” Aaron said with a happy rumble in his chest.

Their words sank into Rhett’s brain like seeds, finding soil and sprouting roots. He saw it all—Ember’s labor, Aaron beside her, supporting his mate while she strained and cried out. It seemed as clear as if Rhett had been present at the delivery of the new pup, and it cracked something in his chest that nearly causeda cry of his own. Aaron could give so much to his mate. Aaron could, but Rhett…

He’d fooled himself for a week.

Vivian began to sing quietly, her scent filled with affection as she rocked the sleeping pup. “Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are…” She sang through the verse while Rhett’s wolf heart, shriveled and useless, fractured and fell apart. Rocking her arms gently, she said, “Sweet baby. Sweet little pup.”

She would want pups. She’d always said she hoped to be a mom one day despite growing up without one. But Rhett hadn’t grown up without a father. About fatherhood, Stone had taught him how to train a pup into a soldier, a fighter. A killer. How to make a pup tremble in the corner, then steel itself so it never had to tremble again. He didn’t have the first idea how to do what Aaron was doing, how to feel pride in a young pup, to feel protective or to take joy. Stone had done none of these things.

I don’t know how.

The words dripped from the cracked fragments of his wolf heart like blood. And they applied to more than fatherhood. The support Ember described…the open hearts of the mated wolves he knew—Aaron and Jeremy, Ezra and Trevor and Cassius, Robert and Arlo and Patrick. And Malachi, whose deep affection for April could be seen by all the pack and had helped her healing after what Drew had done to her. If Vivian had been assaulted, Rhett wouldn’t know how to help. If Vivian carried his pup, he wouldn’t know how to support her.

He was letting her believe she could somehow unearth his heart and show him proof. He was letting her deny the empty place in him where other wolves had feelings. He was letting himself hope too, and he had to put a stop to it. All of it.

“Rhett?” Vivian said, clearly not for the first time. She still held Kolson, but her attention was now on Rhett. “Are you okay?”

He couldn’t say it in front of Aaron and Ember. He wasn’t sure he could say it at all. He nodded.

“Am I seeing a soft spot for our little one?” Ember smiled. “I knew you had it in you, Rhett.”

If only he did. If only he could have…Vivian. To be bonded to her before the pack, however they managed to do so without the bond of fate. To bring her home to his cabin, live the rest of his life beside her, challenge and cherish, provoke and protect her every day. To make a pup with her, small and delicate like Kolson, raise it up strong and good, make sure his pup knew from the day it was born that he loved it, would die for it.

He saw it all. A flash before his eyes, immediately gone.

And despite the lack inside him, despite the absence of everything Vivian would need from him, all the heart and all the support—Rhett felt as if he might cry.

He pushed to his feet. He cleared his throat. Aaron was looking at him too closely, head tilted, about to speak.

“He’s a fine pup,” Rhett said. His voice sounded entirely normal.

They didn’t stay long. Ember was clearly tired. Vivian made little cooing sounds as she transferred the still sleeping bundle back to Ember’s arms.

Aaron walked them out, smiling and at ease now, as though the longer people stayed, the more his wolf heart was able to accept their proximity to his pup. “Glad you could come by.”

“Thanks for letting me meet him so soon,” Vivian said.

“Will we be seeing more of you in the future, Viv?” Aaron swept his trademark stray curl off his forehead. “I know you’ve got to get back to Chicago at the end of the week, but…” He shrugged.

“But we look pretty stylish together,” Vivian said with a little smile and a bump of her arm against Rhett’s.

Aaron laughed. “Yeah, that’s it.”

“Well, there’s your answer.”

As they got into the truck, she was humming happily. Rhett said, “Vivian.”

Vivian met his eyes for the first time in a few minutes, and the contentment melted from her face. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. He couldn’t say it. Didn’t want to say it. Had to say it. He drove a few miles, then pulled over halfway to town and parked in the empty lot of an old church. The truck was too comfortable and familiar for the conversation they were about to have. He got out and stood on the blacktop and stared at the quiet church, its steeple white and shining, pointing toward the cloudless blue sky. Vivian walked around the tailgate to join him and linked her arm through his. He shouldn’t let her, but he couldn’t force himself to step away. This was it. The last time Vivian would touch him like this, easy and unconscious.

He wanted to kiss her. One last kiss. But it would be wrong.

“Hey. You’re upset. Talk to me.”

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