Page 358 of Savage Brothers MC: Tennessee Chapter

Of all of the things I thought Ellie would say, I never once thought she would tell me she betrayed me.She hasn’t said what it is.It could be anything and the first thing that comes to mind is that she slept with someone else.Did Ellie cheat on me back then?If she did, can I get over it?

Fuck.

I watch as Ellie looks at me.I see her nerves.I see the way she’s trembling.Whatever this is, it’s big.I want to scream at her not to tell me.I don’t know if I’ll survive losing Ellie forever and suddenly that feels like what this is.

“Do you remember the week before you left to hunt down Vicki, Liam?Do you remember how sick I was?We thought maybe I had picked up the stomach virus from Ryan.”

“I remember, Ellie,” I tell her, because I do.It was one of the reasons that I didn’t truly want to leave.It was my job and my responsibility, but I would have rather stayed home, making sure my girl was okay.

“I took a home pregnancy test, just on a whim.At the time, I remember thinking it was silly, but I did it and…it was positive.”

I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.

“You were…” I have to stop, I clear out my throat try again, rubbing the side of my neck as I realize what she just said.“You were pregnant?Then, where’s the baby, Ellie?Have you kept my child from me all of this time?Is that why you said you betrayed me?”I can’t keep my voice steady, or the accusation from sounding harsh.I feel like I’ve been thrown in some fucking alternative universe, because this can’t be coming from my wife’s mouth.

“No,” she cries.“I’d never keep your child from you, Liam, no matter what.”

“Then, I guess you’re going to have to explain this to me, Ice, because I’m fucking lost.”I mutter, still unable to process what she’s saying.There’s a part of me that is upset there’s not a baby and I can’t begin to explain how fucked up that is.

“It turned out to be a false positive.I went to the doctor, because I wanted it confirmed before you left.I wanted to surprise you.I was crushed when I found out that I wasn’t.I had already begun planning the nursery.I got my hopes up, even though I knew I shouldn’t.”

“Ice, I don’t understand, what’s going on here.Why didn’t you tell me back then?What the fuck is this about?”

“I was going to tell you about the test, ask you if you could stay home at least one more day, because I was so crushed.I needed you to hold me and tell me it would be alright.But, you let it slip what you were doing, and what your job was.”

“Fuck.”

“You remember our fight,” she murmurs.“I was so upset, Liam.My head wasn’t in the right place.Then, I come to you, only to have you tell me you’re off to end the life of a woman who was just trying to hold onto her son.I didn’t like her, but I understood the need to hold onto her baby, because in that moment I wanted a child, I wanted the chance to be a mother, I wanted…so much.”

“Ellie, no.”I almost moan the words, unable to process everything she’s saying to me.She starts crumbling in front of me.I can see it, but I’m frozen where I am.I know she’s getting ready to rip my heart out.I’m not stupid.There’s a reason our intel was so good and then when I took off to Virginia to find Vicki, she just disappeared.She was like a ghost, which wasn’t her style at all.I know what’s coming next.I know.But, I need to hear it.“What did you do, Ellie?”

“Liam,” she sobs.

“Tell me!”I yell.“What did you do!?!?!”

“She called the club to demand that Diesel bring her son to her.She was high, I could tell even through the phone.I told her she needed to get help.I warned her that if she didn’t get clean, she didn’t have a chance of ever getting her son.”

“No, Ellie, don’t tell me you…God, no, Ice.”I’m begging her, even though I know it’s useless.

“I told her you were coming, Liam.I told her she needed to get in a re-hab and disappear if she ever hoped to see her son again.”

My eyes close.It feels as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

“You’re the reason she went into hiding.You’re the reason Diesel almost died…”

“Liam, if you just let me explain…” she says hopelessly, her body is heaving with the force of her sobs.

She reaches out to touch me and I recoil from her.I can’t stop it.I walk out, leaving her alone and wondering if I ever really knew her at all.

Chapter51

Ellie

I didn’t realizea person could cry as hard as I did for that long a period of time.My eyes are red and they’re burning.My head hurts, a migraine forming, but it’s nothing like the pain in my heart, but my vision is blurry with it.I ignore it.I don’t have a choice.

I knew once Liam found out the truth that he’d be angry.I thought maybe we could survive, but after seeing Liam’s reaction and having him walk out on me, I know that we can’t.I waited and waited for him, but it became clear he wasn’t coming back.Now, it’s the following day, the sun is just starting to come out and with no word from Liam… I know that I can’t stay here.I take the letter I wrote him and fold it, putting it on our bed.Tears leak from my eyes again, but I wipe them away.I told Liam that I’d keep my cell with me.I begged him to forgive me and apologized again.It sucks, but I know that’s all I can do.I hurt him.I betrayed him and I have to live with that.I knew better.As an old lady in the club, some things are sacred.It doesn’t matter that I was upset and grieving, nor that I was sick of seeing Vicki throw away the child that I wanted so badly.Liam and I had been trying for over a year and it just never happened.I have endometriosis and we were told that getting pregnant would be a challenge.Getting that negative result after having my hopes up, nearly destroyed me.It’s not an excuse, but my mind truly wasn’t clear.If I had it to do over, I would.I wish like hell that I could.

But I can’t.

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