Page 257 of Savage Brothers MC: Tennessee Chapter

“Rory would want you to forget, she wouldn’t want you to remember, Ryan.Tell me the rest and then let it go.Don’t hold it in anymore,” I tell him, even while wondering if I’m doing the right thing.It sounds good in theory, but what if reliving everything makes his memories worse?What if telling me about what happened, gives him worse nightmares?He seems to sleep soundly with Rory close, but something has to wake him up before he gets in bed with her.What if telling me everything makes it so he can’t even sleep?I’m trying to do what is best for Ryan here, but there’s another side of me that needs to hear what happened.I need to know just how bad I let the ones I loved down.

“He kicked her and kicked her.Rory couldn’t even fight back, Dad and he laughed when she moaned.He pulled her out of the room, dragging her by her hair.He made Wolf bring me and we followed behind her until we got to the room.She was bleeding.There was a lot of blood and the monster called her a bad name and kicked her again and then… he spit on her.”

“Christ,” I murmur under my breath.My hand shaking from the pain and anger I’m feeling.My tears have stopped and in their place is an anger so raw it may never leave me.

“I bit Wolf because I wanted to try and help her.I was afraid she was dying because there was so much blood.And he threw me on the ground.Rory said my name and tried to reach for me, even though she couldn’t even open her eyes.Why would she do that, Dad?”he cries.“Why would she say my name?”

“I don’t know son.I think maybe…”

“Do you think… do you think it’s because she blamed me?”he cries.“If I had just called him dad… If I had called him dad, Rory wouldn’t have been hurt.If I had been stronger I could have protected us.I could have kept her safe.That’s what you would have done.”

“I think Rory was just trying to make sure you were okay, Ryan, even then she was just trying to make sure you were okay,” I tell him, my voice raw.

I’ve fucked up so much.If I look back on all of the shit I put Rory through, all of the mistrust and the pain I gave her only to have her sacrifice herself for Ryan like she did… I’m feeling so many emotions, I can’t even begin to sift through them all.

“Why?Why would she do that?”he asks again.“She shouldn’t have worried ‘bout me.It was my fault.It was all my fault.”

“It’s not, Ryan.It’s King’s fault.He was the adult.Hewantedto hurt you and hurt Rory.Nothing you could have done would have made a difference.If you had called him dad, he still would have hurt her.You aren’t responsible.”

“But, Rory?—”

“Rory loves you Ryan.She was protecting you because she loves you.”

“I love her too, Daddy.I want to keep her.Can we keep her, Daddy?I heard her tell Dani that she wasn’t staying here forever, but I want her to Daddy.I want her to.”

“We’re going to keep her, Ryan,” I whisper, holding him close.“We’re going to keep her,” I vow, praying I can do exactly that, because the alternative isn’t something I can live with.

“When the medicine killed Mommy… Rory was scared for me.She…She tried to protect me then too.”

“I’m sorry you saw that Ryan.”

“Daddy am I bad like the monster?”

“Why would you even ask that?There’s nothing bad about you, Ryan.”

“Rory kept me from seeing Mommy die.She wasn’t supposed to.The monster was going to punish her for it, but he had to leave...But after…”

“After?”

“After she ‘splained it was the medicine and that Mommy didn’t mean what she said.”

“What did she say?”

“That she never wanted me.Rory thought Mommy didn’t mean it.But that’s because Rory’s not like Mommy.Rory loves me.But… maybe I am like the monster Daddy.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I looked at Mommy when she said that and I was sad, because...I wanted Rory to be my Mommy.I wanted Mommy to go away… I wished she would go away forever… and then the medicine killed her.That makes me bad, doesn’t it, Daddy?I’m bad too.”

I gather Ryan up in my arms.I just hold him, whispering over and over that he’s not bad and letting him cry.I don’t know how long we’re like that, but I know that by the time Ryan stops crying my shirt is soaking wet and my heart aches so much it’s barely beating.I hold my son, letting him cry out everything he’s been holding in and I do it while plotting the millions of ways that I intend on making King pay.

I’m going to make that motherfucker bleed rivers of fucking blood before I let him die.

Chapter49

Diesel

I adjustRyan’s head on the pillow.He cried himself to sleep.The pain, sadness and fear were so much that it wore his little body out.I held him through it all, and I’ve held him for the last hour, just watching him sleep.I need to talk to Rory, I need to go to her.She’ll be worried, but I need to just hold her and see her… I need to fucking get down on my knees and beg her to forgive me.

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