Page 245 of Savage Brothers MC: Tennessee Chapter

“I thought you’d see things my way.Now, do I take this to mean that you guys have patched things up?”

“Not really.I mean it’s definitely better, but Dani… there’s so much water under the bridge… I’m not sure it can ever be fixed.”

“Do you love him?”

“So much… but I don’t think love is supposed to be this painful.”

“Bullshit,” she says, taking a drink of her Coke and rum.

“No, really?—”

“Rory, love is the most painful fucking emotion there is.Doesn’t matter if it’s because you’re experiencing it, or you’re defending it, it’s still damn painful either way.”

“Then why even bother?”I ask her, trying not to let fear swallow me whole.

“Because it makes us feel alive.It gives us a reason.Trust me when I tell you that I wasted a lot of years trying to just exist and feeling so cold inside I thought I might freeze to death.I’ll take time with Zander—no matter how that time comes—over the alternative any fucking day of the week and twice on Sundays.”

“That’s easy for you to say.You’re happy and don’t have a deranged madman in your past that you’re just waiting to pounce at any given minute.”

She just looks at me, all joking erased out of her face.

“Rory—”

“Dani, I’m not being melodramatic.I’m being honest.King is a monster and he will enjoy killing Noah even more if he knows how much I love him.He’ll torture him and do it for sport, making me watch, because he’ll get off on it,” I tell her.

She puts her hand over mine and grips it tight—so tight it is physically painful.

“We’re just getting to know each other, Rory.I get that.I’m going to tell you about a man in my past that is just like that if not worse.I don’t talk about him anymore.I’ve tried my best to erase him from my brain.Sometimes those ghosts come back and Zander works extra fucking hard erasing them for me.”

“You don’t have to tell me, Dani,” I whisper, my stomach churning.I don’t know if she meant to show me, but I can see those demons in her eyes right now.I see them clearly, because I know those demons intimately.I have the same ones deep inside of me.

“I’ll tell you about it for two reasons, Rory.The first one being is I remember how it felt to be in your shoes, afraid to believe in a good man.I almost waited too long, and I don’t want you to make that same mistake, because as hard as it is for women like us to believe… therearegood men out there and Diesel is definitely one I count in that number.”

My heart flutters in my chest at her words, but I ignore it and try to concentrate on what she says next.

“What’s the other reason?”I ask her.

“I’ve had good friends, Rory—better than I deserved.My girl, Nicole, she took my back even though it almost killed her and almost destroyed the man she loved.I don’t know how to repay that.Sometimes I think I moved here to get away from the guilt I feel every time I see the dark memories enter her face.But…”

She stops talking, her face looking almost tortured.She grabs hold of my hand again and this time the hold is painful, but I return it with just as much pressure, because I think she needs something to hold onto…Something to center her.

“Tell me,” I urge her softly, knowing all too well the different ways you can get lost in your head.

“Until you’ve lived in the darkness that we have, Rory.Until it has touched you and scarred you with its blackness… You can’t understand it.You can’t begin to understand the decisions it forces you to make.And I know better than anyone how distant you feel from everyone else, because there’s just no way they can understand the hell inside your own brain.I see it in you and it makes me think… finally there’s someone who understands me.Zander loves me, and he loves me unconditionally, but he can’t understand.He wasn’t there.He saw the aftermath, but he didn’t live it.Living it makes all the difference,” she says and I just nod because I have no words.

“Tell me,” I invite, wanting to hear her story, needing to, because I think she’s right.Finally, there’s someone who might understand me.

“If I’m going to get into that conversation.I’m grabbing a bottle of Jack and we’ll go to your room.I’d rather not have anyone see me when I discuss this particular topic.Besides my man has radar.He knows the minute I’m upset.”

“Then let’s get that bottle,” I tell her, standing up.

“Wait.If you had sex… maybe you should have juice.You know, in case one of Diesel’s little swimmers decided to make a home…”

“What?”

She looks pointedly at my stomach.

“Oh.No.I’m good.We used condoms,” I tell her blushing and ignoring the empty feeling I feel inside.

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