Page 68 of The Cost of Corruption

“And am I to understand by your little display of temper, that what you currently want is Sister Theresa?” she asked dryly.

“That’s not her name,” he said. “The woman I want is named Chastity Costa.”

Now it was my turn to shake my head. “She doesn’t exist anymore.”

“The hell she doesn’t,” he growled. “I don’t care if God himself came down to preside over your final vows himself; you’re still coming home with me.”

His voice was firm. So determined. Just the sound of it sent new cracks radiating through my already shattered heart.

“That can’t happen, Matteo,” I said, rolling my eyes up to the ceiling and willing the stinging tears not to fall. “Didn’t you read the letter I left you? I explained it all in there.”

“I don’t care about yourexplanations,” he said between gritted teeth. “The only thing I care about is you.”

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have come here,” I said. “You would have stayed in New York and out of trouble.”

His grip on my wrist tightened, becoming more insistent. “I would die before I let your father harm you.”

“Excuse me? What does this have to do with Michael Costa?” Mother Superior tried to break in, but we were too wrapped up in our conversation to answer any of her questions.

“Don’t you see that was what I was trying to avoid by coming back to the convent?” Despite my best intentions and prayers, my emotions took over. I wrapped my hand around his, my touch begging him to be reasonable. “If I had stayed, my father would have found a way to hurt you. He didn’t care who had to kill—you or me. Either way, he’d get his war, and everyone we loved would pay the price.”

“So you decided it was better to run away and hide for the rest of your life than say all this to my face?”

“Do you think it was easy?” I demanded, my own temper now riling up. “Do you think it didn’t break my heart knowing I was sacrificing every sliver of hope and happiness I’d ever had? I have thought about you every second of every day since I’ve beenback in this habit, and it kills me to know that I’ll be dreaming of you every day until I die.”

“You don’t have to,” he argued. “Come home with me.”

Throwing my head back, I closed my eyes and prayed for patience, but it wasn’t coming. “Why won’t you listen to me? Can’t you see the only way this ends is with me staying here and taking my vows.”

“Unfortunately, my dear child, after hearing what you said, I can’t allow that to happen,” the Mother said.

Jerking my head back up, I looked over at her. “You’re kicking me out of the convent? Because of him?”

“Not exactly.” Mother Superior drew in a long breath before settling herself down. “I didn’t say you had to leave. In fact, if what you’re saying is true, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you need sanctuary. But I’m afraid I can’t allow you to take your vows.”

“Why not?”

“Because putting on this habit every day isn’t about hiding or punishment,” she said. “It’s a divine blessing that brings joy to those who are called to it. But there are other blessings in the world, child. Loves that are just as deep and sacred as the ones we share here with the Lord. I would have explained that to you the night you arrived if you had shared the true nature of your relationship with this man.”

But how could I have done that when I didn’t totally understand it myself.

“I’m sorry for that, Mother,” I told her honestly. “I thought I was doing what was right. I wanted to protect my friends and family.”

“But mostly Matteo, I imagine,” she added.

I turned toward him and was instantly caught in his dark gaze. How could I explain that just about everything I did was for him these days?

He was my joy and my sorrow. All my hopes and disappointments. Once, he’d been nothing more than a fantasy to me, but now he waseverything.

“Yes,” I admitted to her. “And I was tempted to tell you the whole truth after you allowed me to return, but I didn’t want to risk it. Especially since after I didn’t hear from him after that first night. I figured he was already doing his best to forget about me.”

Matteo shook his head. “That was never going to happen.”

“But if that’s true then—” My voice cracked with emotion, and I had to take in a few steadying breaths before I could try again. “—then why didn’t you come five days ago? Why did you make me wait? Did you want to punish me?”

Matteo vehemently shook his head.

“Never,” he said. “I didn’t want to. It killed me to stay away, but my brothers and Liv convinced me it was the right thing to do.”

---