Page 26 of Lords of Ruin: Savage

"Wherewereyou?" My voice cracks, each word cutting deeper than I want it to. “Where the hell have you been all this time?”

She stands then, slowly, cautiously, like she’s afraid I might break under the weight of her presence. But when she moves toward me, she doesn’t say anything more. Her arms open, as if it’s instinct, and without thinking, I step into her embrace.

And she pulls me close. Her arms wrap around me so tightly, so desperately, as if she’s afraid to let me go. Her breath hitches, and for the first time since I’ve known her, I feel her tears fall onto my hair, her body trembling as she holds me.

“I’m so sorry, Flower,” she whispers, her voice thick with emotion, breaking with each word. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I—I never planned to leave you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

The pain I’ve carried for so long claws at me, bitter and raw, but I can’t move. I can’t pull away. For the first time, I’m here in her arms, and she’sreal. I can feel her, her warmth, her heartbeat, the rhythm of her breath against mine. And yet, it doesn’t make the anger go away. It doesn’t make all the years of longing and resentment vanish.

“I needed you,” I choke out, the words bitter, impossible to swallow. “You weren’t there. Ineededyou.”

She shakes her head, her grip tightening around me, as though she’s trying to apologize without words. Her voice breaks again, strained with sorrow. “I know, baby. I know, and I can’t take thatback. I can’t change the past. But I’m here now. I’m here, and I’ll do anything to make it right.”

She can’t fix it. She can’tfixwhat’s been broken for so long. No matter how much she holds me, no matter how much she cries, it won’t change the fact that she wasn’t there when I needed her the most. She wasn’t there for me when I was a child, when I was left to navigate the mess of my own life alone.

I want to pull away. To push her off, to scream at her for all the pain she caused. But in her arms, I feel like a part of me is finally being held again, even if it's only for a moment.

My mother tightens her hold on me, her body trembling with emotion, her breath shaky against my hair. I can feel her pain in the way she clings to me, like I’m the one thing she’s afraid to lose again. She pulls back slightly, just enough to look me in the eyes.

“I missed you, Willow,” she whispers, her voice thick with unshed tears. “I missed you so much. Every single day, I’ve thought about you, about what Ishouldhave done. But I wasn’t strong enough. I—I couldn’t be what you needed, but I never stopped thinking about you. Never stopped wishing I could be there.”

I blink rapidly, fighting back the tears, and before I even realize it, the words come tumbling out, choked and ragged. “I missed you too,” I say, the truth burning my throat. “I missed you more than I can even say.”

She closes her eyes. Her arms tighten around me again, her sobs muffled against my shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers, her voice trembling. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I didn’t deserve you, but I love you. I never stopped loving you.”

I pull away from her, the heat of anger rising, mixing with the ache I’ve buried deep inside.

“Why?” I demand, my voice shaking but fierce. “Why did you leave me? Youweremy mom. You weresupposedto be there.”

She opens her mouth, but no words come out for a moment, like she’s trying to form the right ones, the ones that will finally make it okay.

She tries to reach for me, but I step back.“You’re not my mom,” I say through clenched teeth, the words coming out colder than I mean them to. “ You left, and I grew up without you. And now, you don’t get to come back and act like everything’s fine. Get out,”

“What?’

“I don’t want you here. I don’t want this. Not now. Not ever.”

For a long moment, she doesn’t move. She just stands there, staring at me, like she’s waiting for me to change my mind. But when I don’t she nods, her eyes clouded with tears, and she turns toward the door.

The door slams shut behind her with a finality that reverberates through the house. The silence that follows is almost suffocating, but somehow it feels right.

I slide to the floor, my back against the wall, and the tears fall freely.

12

CAST

I can’t sleep,not after watching Willow. She looked so fucking small, standing there, lost in grief. And I stared at her until I couldn’t anymore. The Cartel doesn’t stop for anyone, not even the girl I love. And yeah, I love her. I think I’ve loved her since she was fourteen and she said sorry to me right before going into surgery for her heart transplant.

Maybe I always wanted her, but I don’t deserve her. I am not a good man. I was never a good child, but I have always wanted to be good enough for her. The best thing about Willow is she doesn’t want me to be good. She wants me to be me, and that in itself is a sick travesty, because she sees who and what I am and asks for more. She is my everything.

Three years without her and I became more myself than ever before, but when she saw me, she smiled and welcomed me into her life like I had never left. Like she welcomes the corruption that I am more than willing to give.

I exhale sharply through my nose, shaking my head. What the hell is she doing to me?

A softthudbreaks the silence. I don’t look up.

“Busy,” I mutter, swirling the last of my whiskey in its glass.

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