Page 42 of Nocturne

“My ways of coping through my grief aren’t healthy. Sometimes, the dark episodes I go through aren’t pretty, and I do not wish for anyone, let alone a seven-year-old, to witness that madness,”

Harley sits in silence, lost in thought.

I reflect too. Everyone—Iyra, Ivy, all of them—thinks adopting Cas is the right choice. They believe I can give him a good life, that he might even be good for me. He’s already a miracle in my life, a source of joy I didn’t expect. But what if I fail him? What ?if I end up scarring him emotionally?

Still, how much longer can I stand by and let him be hurt by people who can’t see how lucky they’d be to have him in their lives? How long can I let them keep hurting him?

“Maybe taking him as your own is the responsibility you need,”

I look at Harley when she speaks.

“I don’t understand,”

Both of our eyes move to the kid who is now reading his book, lost in his little world.

“We get stuck, you know? Fixating on the nightmares, shutting everyone out. It’s easier to be alone. No relationships, no vulnerability. So we throw ourselves into work, convincing ourselves it’s enough. But it’s not. It’s just a way to avoid the truth—that we’re scared. Scared to let anyone in, scared to show how messed up we really are. And in the end, all we do is trap ourselves in a cage of our own making.”

When she looks at me, it is with an urging smile.

“Kids aren’t like the world we’ve known. They’re pure, harmless. They won’t betray or hurt you. Maybe taking care of him will give you something outside your thoughts—something real to hold on to.” She explains.

She has a point. But,

“What if I harm him?”

“I don’t think that’s possible,”

I open my mouth to argue, but she beats me to it.

“I’ve lived through the system, and trust me—any kid would prefer a flawed parent who loves them over a so-called perfect one who doesn’t. I’d take love over a monthly cheque any day. All parents mess their kids up a little. It’s the ones who care that make the difference.”

I look down, my thoughts in a twist. What she said makes sense. It makes very much sense that I start to reconsider. Start to think that maybe I was wrong about this.

“Don’t let him grow up wondering why you couldn’t love him enough to fight your demons and give him a home.”

She nails the coffin shut with that closing statement. And I know—no matter how many demons I have to fight, I’ll face them all if it means saving Cas. He’s my miracle. The only reason I’m still here. I’d do anything to keep my miracle safe and loved.

And if I’m allowed… with me.

Twelve

Ara

I rarely use this phone.

Paranoia keeps me from calling him often, even though he’s a tech genius and I paid him well to make our calls untraceable. Paranoia needs no logic.

“Yes?”

Gee. Not so much as a,hello, orhow do you do?

What else do I expect from an introvert?

“I need all the remaining amount to be transferred into my offshore account,”

I don’t waste my time with the preamble. I don’t need to stress on the transactions to be untraceable because he was hired for that job.

Papa left a fortune for Iyra and me, keeping Vir in the dark about it. But he made the mistake of making him a business partner, giving the incestuous bastard access to all our properties—properties worth a fortune.

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