Page 82 of Nocturne

“Is that what you want to talk about?” She turns to raise her brow at me.

I chuckle slightly and settle back into the chair.

“There is no reason to talk about senseless things,” I say.

“If something is occupying your mind enough to want to make yourself bald, then I think it is important that we talk about it.”

She playfully bumps her shoulder with mine. I shake my head at her and turn to look at the light grey sky. For a moment, it makes me wonder if Zagan’s eyes were ever in this colour. I’ve only seen them dark, angry and at the most emotionless.

“How long did it take for you to trust a man?” I ask.

“I will let you know once I do,”

Both of us laugh at her answer and her tone, but she sobers faster than me.

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m afraid I’m attracted to a man that might be bad for me.”

“What makes you think so?” She tilts her head slightly.

I look at her for a brief second before I turn back to the clouds.

“He dabbles in…immoral career.”

To put it mildly.

He kills as a profession and rules this city as a condition. I don’t think it would be wise for her to know his name. It is feared for a reason, and I don’t wish to scare away my friend, who is more jumpy than I. And that’s something.

Harley nods in understanding, without any judgement. She might be imagining he could be a lawyer advocating for selfish businessmen or a corrupted politician or anyone else who I’m sure wouldn’t even reach the man I cannot stop thinking about. Because who in their right might would gravitate towards the man whose name evokes bone-deep terror from people?

“And you think there are other careers out there with higher moral standards?” She raises her brow at me.

“With the history I have, I shouldn’t want a dangerous man. I’ve seen what men with power are capable of. I should stay far away from them, not want them.”

When I turn to her, Harley gives me a look that is almost…pitiful?

“What is the fault in liking a man who could protect you against something you’re scared of?”

I knew she would open a new perspective that I know I’d think once I’m home. It still catches me off-guard. But I shake my head at her, denying it.

“I don’t need someone to protect me. And what if, down the line, he would turn out to be the one I need protection from?”

She shrugs. "We may never know, but what I meant was, it’s not wrong to be drawn to a man who can stand between you and any possible future threats. To someone powerful enough for you to depend on. And if he’s morally grey, so be it. This world’s full of idiots who wouldn’t hesitate to trample others for their own gain."

I look down at my lap, playing with my fingers. Harley’s hand pats my shoulder comfortingly.

“You’ve been in a helpless situation before, Ara. And acknowledging where you lack doesn’t make you powerless. It makes you wise. In a world filled with monsters, what is wrong to want a monster of your own?” She winks.

I shake my head at her, smiling. As poetic as her words were, it is unfathomable to even entertain such thought. Wanting a monster in my corner sounds appealing. But it only applies tosomeone who would be able to tame them or at least control them. Because if one cannot, one is devoured.

“What kind of a partner would you want?” I ask, diverting the topic.

She sees through me but doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she shrugs lightly.

“I’ve been self-reliant for so long. There isn’t anything I cannot do myself that I’d require a man for it,” Harley turns to look at the kids, an odd sort of emotion inside her eyes.

“Having a partner is much more than needing someone to do things for you, Har.”

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